Chapter 21: The Watermelon and the Knife
The experience of ultimate blissfulness, ecstasy or orgasm has nothing to do with the other. It happens within you; the other is only an excuse. It can be the master; it can be anybody else.
With the master it is easier, because with the master you don’t have any expectations. With any other man you have expectations. With any other man you want to dominate; with any other man your relationship is not a relaxed phenomenon. It has nothing to do with the man; it is your attitude, your approach that is decisive. If your relationship with the master is full of expectations, then this experience cannot happen. The experience can happen even with a tree, or even with the stars, or even just sitting alone in your room. It has nothing to do with anybody else. You have to understand it clearly: it is an explosion of joy within you.
But sitting alone in your room is the most difficult, because you don’t have any excuse. You cannot even smile because you will think, “Am I going crazy? There is nobody and I am smiling.”
I was waiting at a railway station. The train was due to come late in the night, and there were few other people. One man relaxing in an easy chair was attracting everybody’s attention because sometimes he would make gestures as if he was throwing something away, and sometimes he would smile and sometimes he would laugh, and the laughter would be so much that he would have to hold his belly, because the whole body was laughing.
I was just sitting by his side. I didn’t want to disturb anybody - he was enjoying so much - but it was difficult to resist the temptation to know what was happening to the man. I asked him, “It is interference on my part, I am sorry, but I cannot resist anymore, and we have to sit here for a few hours more. What is going on? Sometimes you throw things away just by a gesture of your hand. And you make such faces, and sometimes you smile, and sometimes you have such a belly laughter that you have to hold your belly - and you are alone.”
The man said, “I don’t tell the secret to anybody. But you have been sitting by my side for three hours, and I can understand how difficult it must have been for you to resist the temptation of asking. I will tell you the secret. Just come close.”
So I went close. I pulled my chair close to him. And he said, “It is nothing special. I am just telling jokes to myself.”
I said, “Jokes?”
He said, “Yes, I am telling jokes, but sometimes old jokes that I have told many times start, so I throw them away. And sometimes the jokes are so juicy that I cannot contain myself from laughing loudly, but people are sleeping, and there are so many people, so I have to hold myself and my laughter. A few jokes are such they don’t create laughter, but just a very gentle smile.”
I said, “You are a great man. You have found a great secret.”