Chapter 20: Don’t Drop - Transform!
If the person has independence, privacy, individuality, they are afraid. The person tomorrow may not love them - because love is not something stagnant. It is a moment, it is nothing to do with permanency. It may continue for eternity, but basically love is a phenomenon of the moment. If it happens again in the next moment you are blessed. If it does not happen you should be thankful that at least it did happen before.
Remain open: perhaps it may happen again - if not with this person, then with another person. The question is not persons, the question is of love. Love should remain flowing, it should not be stopped.
But in their stupidity people start thinking, “If this person goes out of my hands then I am going to starve my whole life without love.” And he does not know that by trying to hold this person permanently in his captivity, he will starve. He will not get love. You cannot get love from a slave. You cannot get love from your possessions; from your chair, table, house, your furniture, you cannot get love.
You can get love only from a free agent whose uniqueness is respected by you, whose freedom is respected by you. It is out of the freedom of the other that this moment of love has happened. Don’t destroy it by trying to possess, by trying to hold, by creating a legal bondage, a marriage. Let the other be free, and remain free yourself. Don’t let anybody else possess you either.
To possess or to be possessed, both are ugly.
If you are possessed you lose your very soul.
Just look at husbands when they are going with their wives; do they look like individuals? I was traveling in a train; in my compartment - it was a coupe - there was only one woman passenger. There were only two seats and one was reserved for me. The man who was with the woman had to travel in another compartment, but at each station, if even for two minutes the train was to stop, he would come rushing just to ask her whether she needed anything, water or tea or anything to eat - at each station.
When it went on happening for at least ten stations I could not resist the temptation. I asked the woman, “It is not good of me to ask you, but I cannot resist the temptation: How long have you been married to each other?”
She said, “For seven years.”
I said, “Don’t lie to me.”
She was shocked when I said that. She said, “How can you say that?”
I said, “It is so apparent. I cannot conceive of a husband who has been married for seven years coming at each station to ask you.to hold your hand for two minutes, to give you a kiss. If it is true then this must be the rarest husband in the whole of history. I cannot believe it, it is an absolute lie.”
For a moment she was silent and then she said, “You are right. He is not my husband, we are not married. And we have not known each other for seven years either. Just three or four days ago we met. We don’t have any relationship yet.”