Chapter 8: Easy Is the Flow
Wanting is okay, but keep it inside yourself. Don’t you start nagging him, otherwise I will miss one sannyasin! You simply let him be. You be a sannyasin, you enjoy your sannyas, you become more loving, you become more silent, you become more ecstatic, and leave him alone. Never even say a single time, “You also become a sannyasin.” Let him think himself. Let him feel you, what has happened to you. Let him see; he has eyes. If you are transformed by becoming a sannyasin, he will start feeling that something has to be done now. If he can see that some flowers are blooming in you, the fragrance will transform him - not you, but the fragrance. And when the fragrance transforms there is no resistance, because the fragrance comes so invisibly, so silently, so noiselessly. And nobody can resist it because nobody knows when it has entered into their being, remember it.
If you want your beloved to become a sannyasin, you simply let him see what has happened to you. Let him see your dance and celebration. If that transforms him, good, but don’t become a Christian missionary. Don’t start pounding on him, don’t start arguing with him. Don’t start manipulating, controlling him, otherwise you will create resistance. And if resistance is created, then it becomes more and more difficult. Even if some day he becomes a sannyasin just because you have been nagging too much and he wants to be free of the nagging and just decides that it is okay - “Become a sannyasin and keep this woman’s mouth shut” - then he will be just a sannyasin from the outside. He will resist me.
So this has to be remembered not only by Prita but by everybody else: we love, and naturally we want to share, but love has to be alert, aware. And this is the awareness that has to be kept alive: never encroach on anybody’s freedom, never encroach on anybody’s space. Love, but keep distance. Love, but remain alone and let the other be alone. If you can allow the other freedom to be alone, then your love is aware. If you start encroaching on the other, if you start possessing the other, if you start manipulating and dominating the other, if you start monopolizing the other, directing the other, then you are destroying your love. Your love is unconscious, and unconsciousness is always a poison. Love dies because of unconsciousness.
That’s why so many people love, but still love doesn’t seem to happen. So many people go on falling in love and falling out of it. Nobody remains there. Why do people fall out of it? - because of the unconscious, because of the mechanical habits. Avoid that. If your love is deep enough and your joy of sannyas is true, that will do, that will transform him.
The last question:
I give you my hands. I am your hands. You are taking my head. How can I become more open to you, closer to you? That's all that matters.
Karuna, you are becoming closer every moment, and there is no how to it. Once the “how” comes in, you will start getting farther away. There are things which can be done, and there are things which can only be allowed.
Coming closer to me is not something that you can do. Nothing can be done about it. You can only allow, you can let it happen. It is a wei-wu-wei; it is action through inaction. Don’t ask how.