Chapter 8: Chaos Is a Womb
Unless you have something in your life which cannot be supported by reason at all, your life will have no significance. Unless you have something for which you can live and for which you can die without any rational grounds, you will go on missing the very meaning of life and existence. You will remain superficial.
Hence the absurd can release something tremendous in you; it can become an explosion. It can make you see the whole world anew, because it is a rebirth. You slip out of the mind. You are no longer covered by the dust of the mind, everything is fresh and new. It is mind which makes things old. Because of memory, past, the mind goes on interpreting everything new in terms of the old. Mind cannot do otherwise. Mind means memory - memory and nothing else. It is your accumulated past experience, and you go on interpreting the new according to the past. Naturally, the past gives its color to the new, it gives its meaning to the new - and the new is missed.
That’s why the whole world looks so bored, utterly bored. Existentialists have brought out this situation of boredom as one of the most significant points to be pondered over. They say that man is utterly bored, and they are right. Only stupid people are not bored, or buddhas are not bored. Stupid people are not bored because they don’t have that much sensibility, that much sensitivity to feel boredom. And buddhas are not bored because they don’t carry the past. Everything is so fresh, so new; everything is such a surprise. Every moment you are in for a surprise.
For a buddha, life is a continuous revelation, unending revelation. There is no beginning to it and no end to it. It is a mystery; unfathomable, immeasurable, unknown and not only unknown but unknowable too. You can only taste it, feel it, see it, touch it, but you cannot know it. You cannot reduce it to a theorem, to a hypothesis; that is not possible.
You are right: if you can have contact with the absurdity of it all, with the irrationality of existence, you are moving into a totally different dimension - moving from mind to no-mind, moving from mind to meditation. That’s what meditation is all about: taking you out of the prison of the mind, the prison of the past. And there is no other prison; the past is the only prison.
The man of awareness - the meditator - goes on dying every moment to the past so that he remains new, fresh, childlike. Yes, if the absurd becomes overwhelming, you will have your first insight into the gestalt of everything. But remember again, the insight will not be rational. You will not be able to explain it away. You will not be able to say anything about it. You will be able to see, but suddenly you will become dumb. Suddenly you will find language absolutely inadequate, words impotent; communication is not possible. Then only communion remains.