Chapter 7: First the Thirst
According to you, the love between a lover and the beloved can last for some time, but not the love between a husband and wife.
But yesterday you said that the love between Rama and Sita was so complete that they remained content with each other for their whole lives. Is this possible, or is this just an exception that proves the rule? And if this is possible, how can it happen?
And the second thing: you have initiated people who are living and working in the marketplace. Amongst them are many married couples, as well as lovers. How can they reconcile their love lives and living in the world with their commitment to their inner search and meditation?
Please help us with this.
The relationship between Rama and Sita is of love, it is not a husband and wife relationship. Marriage is possible in two ways. One is the arranged marriage, which is determined by the parents, the palm readers and the astrologers, the family and the society. The couple to be married is not consulted. This is called an arranged marriage. There is great safety and security in such a marriage, because when the elders decide something they calculate everything, they use their whole experience. They have known, learned and understood things in life, and they make their decision on that basis. The older people become shrewd. They use their shrewdness, their cunning and calculation to come to their decisions. They have seen significant things in life that the younger ones cannot see yet just because they are young. They have seen that feelings change quickly, that decisions taken in moments of deep emotions are forgotten when the mood changes and those lofty peaks of romance have faded into the distance. They know that we cannot live in our dreams for very long; eventually the dreams break down.
Romance is a dream - a dream in which we see the other as a god. But our psychological state is such that this vision cannot last long. We see the other as a god, but only momentarily; then the vision disappears and we are left in pitch darkness. The relationship that was created on the basis of that vision of a god in the other will wither away.
There are so many divorces in the West because there marriages are not arranged by society; instead the young people themselves decide. Out of every hundred marriages made this year, twenty-five will be divorces by the next year. The remaining seventy-five which continue as marriages seem to be continuing out of helplessness. They seem to be continuing because of some other reasons, not because of love. There are the children, there is the job, there is the fear of loneliness - it is difficult to divorce, and it hurts their prestige to divorce. These are the reasons why they are held together.
So it is the marriages arranged by the society that are lasting, that is the first point. The reason this kind of marriage lasts is that there are no heights of love but only a plain world of calculated moves where cunningness dominates over feelings. When society decides, it decides with the head, not with the heart. The heart cannot be relied upon because it says yes one moment and no the next. Stability of the heart is available only to those who have attained enlightenment.
The intellect has logic and mathematics, it has a stability that is available to everybody. That is why the intellect can be trained; there are schools and universities and examinations for it. But there are no schools for the heart, no universities, no examinations. The heart cannot be trained.