Chapter 35: Turning Inward toward the Real
And by the third month even the feeling of “am-ness” dissolved because that feeling of am-ness is still a word. Even that word dissolves. Then you are, and then you know what you are. Before that point comes you cannot ask, “Who am I?” Or you can go on asking continuously, “Who am I?”, just continuously inquiring, “Who am I ? Who am I?”, and all the answers that will be provided by the mind will be found false, irrelevant. You go on asking, “Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?” and a point comes where you can no more ask the question. All the answers fall down, and then the question itself falls down and disappears. And when even the question, “Who am I?” disappears, you know who you are.
Gurdjieff tried from one corner: just try to remember you are. Raman Maharshi tried from another corner. He made it a meditation to ask, to inquire, “Who am I?” And don’t believe in any answers that the mind can supply. The mind will say, “What nonsense are you asking? You are this, you are that, you are a man, you are a woman, you are educated or uneducated, rich or poor.” The mind will supply answers, but go on asking. Don’t accept any answer because all the answers given by the mind are false. They are from the unreal part of you. They are coming from words, they are coming from scriptures, they are coming from conditioning, they are coming from society, they are coming from others. Go on asking. Let this arrow of “Who am I?” penetrate deeper and deeper. A moment will come when no answer will come.
That is the right moment. Now you are nearing the answer. When no answer comes, you are near the answer because mind is becoming silent - or you have gone far away from the mind. When there will be no answer and a vacuum will be created all around you, your questioning will look absurd. Whom are you questioning? There is no one to answer you. Suddenly, even your questioning will stop. With the questioning, the last part of the mind has dissolved because this question was also of the mind. Those answers were of the mind and this question was also of the mind. Both have dissolved, so now you are.
Try this. There is every possibility, if you persist, that this technique can give you a glimpse of the real - and the real is ever-living.
The second self-remembering technique:
Wherever satisfaction is found, in whatever act, actualize this.
You feel thirsty, so you drink water. A subtle satisfaction is attained. Forget the water, forget the thirst. Remain with the subtle satisfaction that you are feeling. Be filled with it; simply feel satisfied.
But the human mind is mischievous. It only feels dissatisfactions, discontent. It never feels satisfaction; it never feels content. If you are dissatisfied, you will feel it and you will be filled by it. When you are thirsty, you feel it: you are filled with thirst; you feel it in the throat. If it grows you feel it all over your body, and a moment will come when it is not that you are thirsty, you will feel that you have become the thirst. If you are in a desert and there is no hope of getting water, you will not feel that you are thirsty; you will feel that you have become the thirst.