Chapter 4: Life Itself Prepares the Ground
Then I can forget logic, language. Then I can talk directly about the essential experience - whether it is grammatical or not, who cares? One thing is certain, it is existential.
So from now onwards remember, stop bringing light into the unconscious - please! From now onwards wait for the light to come. Wait with a throbbing heart, with a welcome, doors open - because who knows when the light comes; there is no pre-information. It comes so suddenly, you have to be awake all the time, waiting by the side of the gate, keeping it open - because the host can come any moment.
It is really the relationship between the guest and the host. You have to disappear and just become a waiting, utterly pure and silent, not waiting for something, simply waiting. The moment you can simply wait without demanding anything from existence and without desiring.Because behind every desire and behind every expectation and demand there is a complaint, “Why am I still in darkness? Why have you not come yet?” You may not say it clearly, but deep down you know.. Your heart cannot be grateful in such a situation.
Forget all about light, because it does not come by your remembering it, so what is the point of remembering? It comes by your deep relaxation, silence, peace, love, meditativeness and utter let-go. And one day you will suddenly find your whole being full of light, transformed from mortality into immortality, transformed from misery into blissfulness, into a blissfulness that knows no end.
You always say that one becomes a sannyasin because one is seeking for truth. When you say that I always feel very guilty, because I know I didn’t become a sannyasin for that reason. I became a sannyasin because I wanted to be happy, I wanted to get rid of anguish and to live all the joy my heart can contain.
Please tell me something about it.
You are guilty! - because what you call happiness is nothing but a by-product of the experience of truth. You may be seeking happiness, you may be seeking the ultimate, you may be seeking yourself.it doesn’t matter, you are seeking the same thing. You are seeking to get rid of your ignorance, your misery, your anguish, but that happens only when you come face to face with the truth of your being.
You are guilty of misunderstanding. Now, no longer feel guilty. The energy that you are putting into feeling guilty, put it into searching for happiness, and you will find that your search for happiness is another name for what I have called the truth.
“Quick,” yells little Ernie as he rushes into the drugstore, “my Dad is hanging upside down by his pants leg in a barbed wire fence!”
“What do you need?” asked the druggist. “Help or first aid supplies?”