Chapter 10: The Body Is a Friend
The first question:
I have too much sexual energy burning within my body. When I dance, sometimes I feel I am going to kill the whole world and at some stages so much anger and violence bubbles within my body that I can’t channel the energy into meditation techniques and it drives me crazy. I don’t feel to go into the sex act but violent energy is still burning like volcanic fire. I can’t bear it and it makes me sometimes suicidal. Please explain how to give a creative outlet to this energy.
The problem is created by the mind, not by the energy. Listen to the energy. It is showing you the right direction. It is not sexual energy which is creating the problem - it has never created any problems in the animals, in the trees, in the birds. The energy creates problems because your mind has a wrong attitude about it.
This question is from an Indian lady. In India the whole upbringing is against sex. Then you create the problem. And then, whenever there is energy, you will feel sexual because something is incomplete within you. Something that is unfulfilled will always wait and it will assert energy, exploit energy.
In the dynamic methods of meditation much energy is created. Many hidden sources are tapped and new sources become available. If sex has remained an unfulfilled desire then this energy will start moving towards sex. You will become more and more sexual if you meditate.
Let me tell you one thing that happened in India. Jaina monks completely stopped meditating because of sexual energy. They forgot all about meditation because they were repressing sex so much that whenever they meditated, energy would rise. Meditation gives you tremendous energy. It is a source of eternal energy, you cannot exhaust it. So whenever energy arose they would start feeling sexual. They became afraid of meditations. They dropped them. The most essential thing that Mahavira had given to them they dropped, and the nonessential - fasting and keeping rituals - they continued. They fit with an anti-sexual attitude.
I am not anti-sexual because I am not anti-life. So there is not the problem where you think it is: the problem is in your head, not in your sexual glands. You will have to change your attitude otherwise whatsoever you do will be colored by your sexuality. You meditate and it will become sexual; you look at somebody and your eyes will become sexual; you touch somebody and your hand will become sexual; you eat something and eating will become sexual.