Chapter 32: First, Be Yourself
I will tell you. First, these people have come certainly because of me. Otherwise they would not have been here. But they have come for their own growth out of their own free choice. They have been not forced to come here. They can leave any moment, there is no restriction. They can come back. There is always welcome.
So although they have come here because of me, but their coming is their own choice. And that choice is their independence, one thing.
Here in the commune I don’t want them to become dependent in any way on me. Neither I want to become dependent on them. That creates the illusion of coldness.
I am absolutely free of everybody, and I live my life in my own way. And I don’t want any interference, friendly or unfriendly. Those restrictions are put by me, and it is my freedom whether to meet people or not to meet people. They cannot impose themselves on me.
They are free - I never impose myself on anybody. I have never knocked on anybody’s door, neither I want anybody else to knock on my doors.
I am available at certain times, that is part of my living. Two hours in the morning I am available to the sannyasins. They can ask any questions concerning their growth, concerning any subject in the world. Evening I am available for media, because I don’t go anywhere and I don’t think there is any need now. The word can reach to the farthest corner of the world without moving from my chair. So evening two hours for world media.
Two hours for sannyasins in the morning, and the rest I am just living with myself. It is not coldness. In fact, coming out for four hours is more than I can do. I would like to remain twenty-four hours in silence. Talking is heavy on me.
Once you know the silence of your being and the joy of your being, you don’t want to waste any moment outside.
These four hours I am giving - two hours to the whole world, two hours to my sannyasins - they should be grateful for it. I can withdraw any moment. For three and a half years I was completely silent.
But my silence is not cold. It is full of life, it is full of love, it is full of warmth. That’s why even when I was silent for three and a half years these people remained here. I was not available, they could not ask anything to me. But just I was here was enough for them. My presence was enough warmth and enough love for them.
If it appears cold to you, that simply means you have a certain definition of warmth and I don’t fit in that definition. You think that I should mix with people, hug people, sit with them, chit-chat, gossip with people, then it will be warmth. To me it will be simply stupidity.
I can do much more for them if I am silent, because whatsoever I gather in my silence I can pour in two hours meeting with them. If I remain twenty-four hours available to them, I will not be able to give them what I am able right now to give them.