Chapter 20: The Other: Hell, or the Door to the Divine
When he came back, he said, “This is the situation of every human being. Society has created so many reactionary attitudes that he goes on doing things which are harmful to himself, and he goes on doing them the wrong way.”
Each relationship first has to be based not on the choice of the parents, not by the situation of the stars when you were born, not by the lines of your hand.and there is no writing on your forehead! You come into the world completely clean, unburdened, ready to learn. You come with a self-respect. If your self-respect is crushed, your whole joy in learning and living and loving disappears.
Women have lost the joy of life, and man is responsible for it. And he has already suffered, because if the woman is miserable, in suffering, the man cannot be blissful - it is impossible.
The woman is spread all over the house; she is the home. Without her, you cannot call it home, it remains only a house. It is the woman, with her song and dance and love, who transforms the quality of the house. From a material thing, it becomes something romantic, something poetic, something spiritual. It becomes, if everything goes right, a Kaaba, a Mecca, a holy land.
But things start going wrong. Perhaps they are wrong from the very beginning. Already when you meet a woman, you are wrong; the woman is wrong - both have been taught all kinds of superstitions and stupidities. Both have lived in a family, in a society, in a crowd which is almost insane. So naturally, one starts accepting one’s life and its hell. One becomes tolerant, patient. One drops all great hopes of living in a beautiful way. One forgets all utopias. One accepts the desert of a life with not a single flower in it, not a single bird in it, not a single green plant in it.
But man is capable of adjusting to any situation. That is one of the great qualities in man. There is only one competitor, and that is the cockroach. She has the same qualities of surviving in any situation, anywhere. You may understand or you may not understand, but you are cousins, because wherever man is found, the cockroach is found. And wherever you can find a cockroach, man is not far away. This partnership in life is millions of years old, and scientists say perhaps it will remain forever, because something in their nature is similar.
I don’t know much about cockroaches, but I know much about man and I agree: there must be much which is similar. I am saying it from the side of man. Those who understand cockroaches can say it from the side of cockroaches.
A man grows with dreams. He has a vision of his future, his life, the way he wants to live. But once he has found a woman.the woman also has her own dreams, her own hopes. The first problem is, their dreams and their hopes clash; they are not the same. They cannot be the same, they are two different individuals.
Now, to keep peace, there are only two possibilities: either one becomes so dominant, so threatening, that the other simply becomes, out of fear, enslaved.that’s what has happened with women. The other way is to see the situation and to change it completely.