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Chapter 13: The Great Death

“Then the bulldog is trained to grab him by the nuts, and when the gorilla holds himself in pain, you throw this butterfly net over him.”

“Great!” shouts Lupo, with enthusiasm.

“But what about the gun?”

“Well,” explains Kowalski, “if I miss the gorilla and fall off the roof myself, you shoot the dog!”

The Western Australia Old Ladies’ Discussion Group meets each week, but all they ever talk about is cocks and pricks. After a while the ladies get worried because they use the words so much - and they might let them slip out in public. So they decide to substitute the words prick and cock with other words which won’t sound bad if they say them by mistake outside the club.

They write to Old Ladies’ Clubs all over the world to ask for advice.

The British Old Ladies’ Club writes back and says they use the word gentleman because he always stands up when a lady comes in.

The Italians use the word curtain because it goes up when the show begins and comes down when the show is over.

The Americans use chewing gum because it goes in hard and comes out soft.

And finally, the French say that they use the word anecdote - but with no explanation. So one of the Australian ladies finds a dictionary and looks up the word.

“Here we are,” she says to the others: “Anecdote: A little story that goes around from mouth to mouth.’”

Now, two minutes of silence.

Relax.

Now come back.