Chapter 30: Doubt Is My Fundamental Teaching
She was nobody - she was only a hotel waitress. But in three and a half years she became a great celebrity on the television, on the radio, in the newspapers. Naturally the poor girl got a swollen head. When I started speaking again, then the problem arose; otherwise it would have never arisen. Because I started speaking to my people again, they could not believe me. Sheela had been saying something else for three and a half years and I was saying just the opposite! She was asking them to surrender completely, to trust totally, and those who don’t surrender she was throwing out.
And when I said to my people that, “You had completely forgotten me and my teaching,” she immediately understood that now this is not her place. On the one hand she is no longer going to be the celebrity she has been; on the other hand, all these people are going to bring all the complaints that have accumulated in their minds for three and a half years. She simply escaped.
And now so many things are coming out it seems almost inconceivable. She has tried to poison people, to kill people. Just today somebody has sent me the message that one of my most important sannyasins, who was also the vice-chancellor of the meditation university here - very well educated, had an MA, PhD, an experienced psychiatrist, for twelve years the head of an army psychiatric hospital - suddenly he and his girlfriend disappeared. And Sheela told me that they wanted to go, so I allowed them to go.
I said, “This seems to be strange, because Prabodhi was there just the other day dancing and receiving me at the door - the girlfriend of Siddha. Siddha was there in the meeting every day and I saw him flowering and rejoicing. I don’t see that they have any reason to leave. What reason have they given?”
She said, “No reason.”
And just today I have heard that most probably both have been killed, because they were - particularly Siddha was so devoted to me that he wouldn’t listen to Sheela.
This is just a rumor right now, but I am going to inform the police and to find out what happened to those two people. It is possible, because she has done the same thing to one of the Share-a-Home people. When she arranged that Share-a-Home people program, she ordered a certain drug in such a great quantity that our pharmacist simply refused, because, “What is the point of such a great quantity? How am I going to explain it? What is the need?” So Sheela’s people simply said, “Don’t be worried. We will find some other way.”
And they must have found some other way. Now people have come to say that they were giving a certain drug to all the street people to keep them calm and quiet and under control. One man by accident got too big a dose and he died, and they just threw him out of Rancho Rajneesh. If they can do that.
They tried to kill my own personal physician by giving him slow doses of poison. They were very much against three persons because those three persons were very close to me, and they were afraid that those three persons might be giving me information that they didn’t want me to know. I was in isolation and silence. Nobody else was coming to see me except Sheela and these three people: my physician, my dentist and my caretaker.