Chapter 14: A Rock among the Waves
As you greet us, and again as you leave, you are pouring your energy on us. How come my body doesn’t gracefully bow down to you? I know my heart does! Am I a rock among the waves?
Deva Ashu, I myself have been watching. On your face there is some stoniness, and you stand out because everybody is bowing down and you remain stiff. Now you yourself have asked the question.
The first thing: it is very difficult to know your heart, and it is very easy to say anything about your heart. It is something invisible, non-objective. But your face, your eyes, your body, give indications of your heart. So please, don’t be deluded that your heart is full of grace and the body seems like a rock in the river.
The heart is part of your body. If the heart is graceful, the body is a very obedient servant. It simply follows the heart. But you have not mentioned anything about your face, naturally, because you cannot see it. I have seen your face.
You have been deeply connected with me. Deva Ashu has been my personal dental nurse. That’s where the problem is - you must have come with unconscious expectations that you would be received in the same way as you have been received for many years. But life stops for no one; now somebody else is functioning in your place, and that must be the basic wound in your being.
I know you love me, but your love is not unconditional. It is not just a pure gift. Unconsciously it wants to be replied to, recognized - you have been important in the sense that Devageet, my dental surgeon, was working and you were participating. That closeness you are not finding anymore; you are feeling as if you are no longer significant or important. This is how the mind creates stupid expectations and then suffers from them.
Looking at you, I have remembered all these days you have been here. You are showing the face of a martyr. And there must be some jealousy too because now another nurse has replaced you. If your love is unconditional then your concern is not who is helping me to remain in the body - your concern should be that it is more than enough that I am in the body.
It may look hard to you, but there was no other way. You will be surprised to know that when Nityamo replaced you, because you were not here, the first thing I told Nityamo was, “For years I have been accustomed of Ashu, and when I am in the dentist’s chair I may use the name ‘Ashu’ for you. Don’t feel offended, because my dentist chair is not just a dental affair..”
With me everything is a little strange. From the dental chair, I have created three books! It must be absolutely unprecedented, because people are so afraid of the dental chair and the dentist. I have enjoyed it so much - but it created difficulties for poor Devageet, because you cannot work on the teeth while I am talking. What he could have done in ten minutes would take two hours!