Chapter 10: Only Reflecting, But Not Identifying
You may not be doing it to him. That’s what I mean, it is so interwoven. Perhaps you remind him of his father who used to beat him, and he was so small that he could not do anything. And when he sees you, he is not aggressive at you, you are simply symbolic. He is aggressive at his father who is no longer in the world.
So rather than reacting to his aggression, which will make things worse, try to understand. Ask him, “Why are you aggressive to me? Is something wrong in me that hurts you? Have I done something to you? - because I am not aware of doing anything to you. There must be some other reason for your aggression.”
That should be the way of the man of wisdom. And if you ask that person, perhaps tears may come to his eyes and he will start asking your forgiveness, “You have not done anything, you just remind me of my father. When I was small, I was beaten so much that I used to think that when I became big and strong, I would show this man.. By the time I was big and strong he was dead. So something has remained incomplete in me. The moment I see you, that sleeping aggression comes to me. Forgive me, you have not hurt me. It is not your problem, it is my problem.”
If people start behaving in this way, we will soon create a totally different kind of life. You fall in love with a woman - have you ever asked why you have fallen in love with a certain woman when there are so many women around? You never ask. Perhaps she reminds you of your mother? Perhaps the way she walks reminds you of your mother, and you loved your mother so much that the same love is revived again.
Before becoming a fool and falling in love, make a little analysis of what you are doing and why you are doing it. Perhaps that will save great misery in the world. Unconsciously, without understanding your inner sleeping desires, your tendencies, you fall in love with a woman, but you don’t know - you will not be able to love her, because she is not your mother. And as you come closer, you will see, “My God, she is not my mother.” And naturally, that woman has not married a son; she has married a husband. She cannot behave the way your mother may have behaved.
She may be expecting you to behave like her father whom she loved. And some trait in you - and those traits may be very small, very simple: perhaps your mustache is exactly the same - and that’s enough, it triggers the memory of the father who is no more. She has fallen in love with you, but not with you. If before acting people try to understand that whatever they are doing must have a reason within themselves, and that the other is not obliged to fulfill it.The woman may have the same hairdo; that does not mean she is the same kind of person. And if you love the hairdo you can purchase one from a shop which deals in wigs, made just exactly according to your mother - worship it, love it. That will be more sane because that wig will not hurt you, will not demand things which your mother has never demanded. But a new woman, where the only similarity is the hairdo, is not going to fulfill your desires. You are searching for a mother.