Chapter 29: Come a Little Closer
Secondly Gurdjieff and all these people took their work very seriously - the transformation of man, the transformation of human society.they took it too seriously. And when people did not live up to their seriousness they felt that something is basically wrong with man, that nothing can be done about him. Then a great hopelessness arose in them.
It cannot happen to me, because I am not serious at all. I do not think that existence has given me a certain responsibility, to transform man or human society. Who am I to bother about all this? One day I was not here - the society was there, man was there, existence was there.. One day I will not be here, so just for a few days in between.. And existence has not given me any job that has to be done. Why should I be serious? I am simply playful.
If everybody betrays me I will have the last laugh; I will enjoy that moment too. I will say to myself, “Great! I love to play; I played well. And these people were good; as long as they could continue to be with me, they managed and continued - in difficulties, in troubles. When they found it was too much, they went on their own.”
Even if I am left alone I will not be disappointed. I will simply enjoy the moment, that this has been a great life - so many seasons, so many changes, so many people, so much love, so much trust. And I am going out of life without leaving any footprints behind. I will not feel that I have wasted my life. I don’t think that there could have been any better way to live, and to love, and to laugh.
J. Krishnamurti was very serious - I don’t think he ever smiled. A long life: ninety years. His fame started very early, at thirteen years old; so really he had a very long life of work and disappointments. Even the closest ones betrayed him. His whole life seems to be just a series of betrayals, and those who remained never managed to understand what he was saying. They listened to him for half a century, but still he could not cross their thick minds and reach to their being. And every day.if you look at his life, in the beginning he was very hopeful, very excited that man can be changed, that a new man can arrive. But slowly, slowly that hope disappeared, that excitement was no more there. And as he grew older, he became sadder.
For twenty years, just because of his seriousness, he suffered from migraine continuously. No medicine could help, no physician.and every physician told him, “You are straining your whole brain system too much. You are too serious, you should relax; you have taken too much of a burden on yourself.” Sometimes his migraine was so much that he would like to have hit his head against the wall.
While speaking he was almost screaming, shouting, hitting his own head, because he could not understand that you are unable to understand such a simple thing. For example, he was explaining the same thing his whole life: that meditation cannot be done, it is a happening. He would talk for one hour about the difference between doing and happening, and then somebody who was just sitting in front of him listening attentively, would stand up and ask, “How can we do meditation?”