Chapter 6: Life Is an Empty Canvas
And the West has taken another extreme: because God’s existence became suspicious through scientific evolution, God is no more so certain as he used to be, his existence is uncertain, so to trust in him may be simply stupid. Man has to act on his own. So the West has taken just the opposite route, to be active, constantly active - so much so that even in the night people cannot fall asleep. The activity has become chronic; even in their sleep they toss and turn and they talk and they dream. Their sleep is a disturbed sleep, and many have completely forgotten how to sleep. Insomnia is becoming almost a universal phenomenon in the West - too much activity. Because “God is not,” so you cannot trust.
In the East, too much inactivity - because “God is,” So you need not act - but both standpoints are utterly foolish.
Trust simply means that you relax into your nature. Whether God is or is not has nothing to do with trust. That too has to be understood.
Whenever you use the word “trust” you always ask, “In whom?” as if trust needs an object. No, trust does not need any object. Trust is a state of your being; it is not object-oriented. A man who does not believe in God can trust, and a man who believes in God may not trust; God is not so important, not necessarily needed. For example, Buddha trusts; he does not believe in God. Mahavira trusts; he does not believe in God. Lao Tzu trusts; he neither believes in God nor disbelieves in God; he never talks about God, God is almost irrelevant.
Then trust is something which happens in you, it has no outer reference. Trust is your relaxed state of being. Trust means be yourself: don’t do anything which goes against your nature. You can call nature “God” or you can call God “nature”; it is just a question of preference. If you are a theist, call nature “God”; if you are an atheist, perfectly good, call God “nature” - but trust remains the very foundation of a real life.
And then whatsoever happens - action, inaction, both - allow it. Go into it deeply, totally, wholly.
The second question:
I am experiencing something that I am calling “the pain of myself”. Can you say what this is?
The ordinary life of humanity is a continuous effort to avoid oneself. Everybody is doing it, in different ways of course. Nobody can sit silently and be alone. Watch yourself, how fidgety you become if there is nothing to do. If the radio is not there and television is not there and the newspaper is not there and you don’t have a book to read and nobody to talk to, just think how fidgety, restless you become. You are almost in a panic, as if you are dying. You need something to remain occupied with, you cannot be with yourself.
And whenever you are with yourself you start feeling bored. Now, this is strange. And if somebody else feels bored with you, you feel very hurt, but you yourself feel bored with yourself! And everybody is the same: nobody feels good being alone.