Chapter 2: A Watcher on the Hills
You will have to understand that there is a trust totally different from what you have known up to now as trust. I am talking about that trust. The distinction is very delicate and subtle, because both words are the same. I have to use the language that you use. I cannot create a new language; it will be useless because you won’t understand it. I cannot go on using your language in the same sense you use it, because then it will also be useless: I will not be able to express my experience, which is beyond your language. So I have to find a middle point; I have to use your language, your words, with new meanings. That compromise is bound to be there. All the buddhas had to do that much.
I use your words with my meanings. Hence, be very alert: when I say “trust” what I mean is totally different from what you mean when you use the same word. When I say “trust” I mean the absence of the duality of doubt and trust. When I say “love” I mean the absence of the duality of love and hate. When you use the word trust it means the other side of doubt; when you use love it means the other side of hate. But then you are caught in a duality, in a double bind. And you will be crushed between the two; your whole life will become a life of anguish.
You know trust is beautiful, but doubt arises because your trust is not beyond doubt. Your trust is against doubt, but not beyond. My trust is a transcendence; it is beyond. But to be beyond you have to remember: both have to be left behind. You can’t choose. Your trust is a choice against doubt; my trust is a choiceless awareness. In fact, I should not use the word trust; it confuses you. But then what to do? What other word to use for it? All words will confuse you.
I should not be speaking really, but you would not be able to understand the silence either. I am speaking in order to help you to become silent. My message can be delivered only in silence. Only in silence, the communion. But before that becomes possible, I have to communicate to you, persuade you for it. That can be done only through your words. But one thing, if remembered, will be of immense help: I use your words, but with my own meanings - don’t forget my meanings.
Go beyond doubt and trust, then you will have a new taste of trust - which knows nothing of doubt, which is absolutely innocent. Go beyond both, then simply you are left, your consciousness, without any content. And that’s what meditation is all about. Trust is meditation.
Don’t repress your doubt. That’s what you go on doing. When you listen about the beauties of trust, the wonders of trust, the miracles of trust, a great longing, a great desire, a great greed arises in you to attain it. And then you start repressing doubt; you go on throwing doubt deep into the unconscious so that you need not encounter it. But it is there. And the deeper it is, the more dangerous it is, because it will manipulate you from the background. You will not be able to see it, and it will go on influencing your life. Your doubt will be more potent in the unconscious than in the conscious. Hence, I say it is better to be a doubter, it is better to be skeptical knowingly, consciously, than to be a believer and unknowingly, unconsciously remaining a doubter.