Chapter 18: Terrorism Is in Your Unconsciousness
In a way it is a small relief, at least instead of two unrealities now you have only one. But what will you do by loving yourself? And how long can you manage to remain loving yourself? It is unreal; it won’t allow you to see it for a long time because that is dangerous: if you see it for a long time, this so-called self will disappear, and that will be a real freedom from misery.
Love will remain unaddressed to someone else or to yourself. Love will remain unaddressed because there is nobody to address, and when love is there unaddressed, there is great bliss.
But this unreal self won’t allow you much time. Soon you will be falling in love with someone else again because the unreal self needs the support of other unrealities. So people fall in love and fall out of love and fall in love and fall out of love - and strange is the phenomenon, that dozens of times they do it and still they don’t see the point. They are miserable when they are in love with someone else; they are miserable when they are alone and not in love, a bit relieved - for the moment.
In India, when a person dies, people carry him on a stretcher-like construction on their shoulders. But they go on changing it on the way, on their shoulders - from this shoulder they will put it on the right, and after a few minutes they will again change and put it on the left. It feels a relief when you put it from the left shoulder onto the right. Nothing is being changed - the weight is there and on you, but this left shoulder feels a kind of relief. It is momentary because soon the right shoulder will start hurting so you will have to change it again.
And this is what your life is. You go on changing the other, thinking that perhaps this woman, this man will bring you the paradise you have always been longing for. But everybody brings hell - without fail! And nobody is to be condemned for it because they are doing exactly the same as you are doing: they are carrying an unreal self out of which nothing can grow. It cannot blossom. It is empty - decorated, but inside empty and hollow.
So when you see somebody from far away he or she is appealing. As you come closer the appeal becomes less. When you meet, it is not a meeting but a clash. And suddenly you see the other person is empty, and you have been deceived, cheated because the other person has nothing which had been promised.
The same is the situation of the other person about you. All promises fail, and you become a burden to each other, a misery to each other, a sadness to each other, destructive to each other. You separate. For a little while there is relief, but your inner unreality cannot leave you in this state for long; soon you will be searching for another woman, another man, and you will get into the same trap. Only the faces are different; the inner reality is the same - empty.