Chapter 22: The Transparency of Children
But there is no need to understand it. Just throw it, not on anybody, but on a pillow, on the sky, on me. Just throwing is the point. And because it is unrelated it has to be absurd. You don’t know where to throw it, how to throw it, on whom to pour it. If you pour it on someone you will feel very guilty, because the other has not deserved it at all. That’s the mystery of it, and it makes one feel very disturbed.
This is going to happen with every emotion. There is a part of love that is related to someone. Then if you go deeper, one day you will come to the source of love which is unaddressed. It is not moving towards anybody - it is simply there, there inside. And the same is true of everything you feel. Everything has two sides.
One, the unconscious, the deeper side, is simply with you, and the superficial is the functioning of this deeper layer in relationship. People who remain superficial always completely forget their own inner treasures. When you throw out the inner anger, you come face to face with inner love, inner compassion. The rubbish has to be thrown out so that you can come to the purest gold within you.
So make it a point - don’t try to understand it. That is one of the basic problems facing the whole West, the modern mind: we try to understand everything, and life is basically a mystery. You can live it, but you cannot understand it. And if you insist that you have to understand, then you will remain superficial. Intellect goes only on the surface, only to a certain extent, then it cannot go deeper. Depth is not the dimension of the intellect; length is the dimension of the intellect. So if you want to know details, the intellect can give you many and many and many, but it cannot move in any depth; it cannot dig any fact in the dimension of depth, vertically. So forget about it. There is no need to understand.
Anger is there; that’s enough to know. And it has to be thrown out, because if anger remains in you, you will never feel quiet and still. It will go on burning like a fire inside. It will go on finding excuses outside, and if you don’t throw it without any excuse, you will throw it with some excuse - and then the trouble is more complicated.
You throw it on the wife, the children, the friend, somebody. Then you are creating more complexities for yourself because you have missed the point. So this is a good insight. Use it now.
The idea of self-realization has occurred to my mind, and I keep watching myself. I watch my action, the motive behind my action, and very often it disturbs me. Sometimes I feel I am abnormal.it’s preoccupying my mind, and I don’t like it. Whatsoever I do, I try to analyze the motive behind it, and I look at the past very often.
Groups will be very helpful. And in this camp, rather than being aware, watching, try to be absorbed. Later on I will tell you how to be aware.