Chapter 2: My Way Is Via Positiva
There are problems about it also; it is impossible to find a way which has no problems. It has its own benefits, it has its own defects. The benefit is that I am both, so I am, in a way, totally free. Whatsoever I have done in my first step, I have done knowing perfectly well what the second step is going to be. John the Baptist in me was perfectly aware of the Christ who was going to follow, they were in a deep harmony. They are one person; there is no problem about it. So John the Baptist in me could not create any limitations for the Jesus to follow - a total freedom.
And no Vivekananda is going to follow me. I am my own Vivekananda and I am my own John the Baptist, so nobody can put a limitation on me when I am gone. And I am positive: if Krishnamurti is via negativa, I am via positiva. I have accepted both the roles and I have a certain freedom even Krishnamurti cannot have. He has to always deny, and denial in itself becomes a worry, a deep anxiety. I have nothing to deny, I just have to say yes to the total.
But there are problems, and the greatest problem is that I will always be contradictory. Whatsoever John the Baptist has said, the Christ in me has to contradict it. I will always be contradictory.
For many years I was moving around, reaching to every person whomsoever had any capacity to grow. Nobody ever thought that someday the wanderer in me would simply sit in his closed room and would not even come out of the room - contradictory! For years I was talking in terms of revolution. Of course, the John the Baptist has to talk that way. Then suddenly I stopped talking about revolution, the society, the welfare of humanity; I forgot all about it. Now only the individual exists - contradictory. If you look you can find two currents parallel, and the first current has been continually contradicted by the other current. For those many years the Acharya, the John the Baptist, was doing one thing. Now the Osho is doing totally something else, a very contradictory thing.
It will be impossible later on to decide whether this man was one or two. And I suspect that somebody is going to suspect someday that this man was two, because the contradictions are so naked and there is no way to resolve them. This is the trouble with me - but somebody had to try the fourth and I am happy that I tried it. On this earth everything has its own problem, so you cannot escape from the problem. From somewhere or other the problem will enter, so it is only a question of choice - whatsoever fits you.
This fits me perfectly. To be free to contradict is a great phenomenon because then I am not worried at all about what I say. I don’t keep any accounts, I need not be worried about what I said yesterday. I can contradict - this is a great freedom.
And if you love me, I know that you will find somewhere deep within me that the contradictions are already resolved. But that will happen only to those who trust, that will happen only to those who come closer and closer to me. All the contradictions are on the surface, deep down within me they are already resolved because I am one.
I have functioned as John the Baptist; now I will function as Christ. So nobody has preceded me, nobody is going to succeed me. I am a perfect circle.