Chapter 17: Watchfulness.Your Gift to Yourself
To live in silence, in serenity, is a totally different dimension of life where joy is simply natural; where life is in its absolute beauty, in its utter purity and aliveness; where love is so abundant that it goes on overflowing - you cannot contain it, it is a bigger reality than you are. Life becomes a smaller phenomenon than love, and love becomes a smaller phenomenon than light. These three L’s contain the whole discipline of inner revolution.
Just being here, things are bound to happen within you of which you may not be aware, because you have not yet learned the art of watchfulness.
You are asking, “Is it possible for growth to happen in this way?” Yes it is possible, but only up to a point. It cannot happen the whole way without your becoming a watcher, so be concerned about that.
Instead of that you are asking me, “I have heard You say, ‘I’ve been watching you’ to people. Have You been watching me? How am I doing? Am I missing something?” Rather than being concerned whether I am watching you or not, your concern should be: are you watching yourself?
I am certainly watching. The moment I see you, I see you in your totality. To me you are transparent - I even see that which you may not be aware is within you. And I am continuously watching my people, how they are growing or not growing.
You are doing perfectly well, but something is certainly missing. And the thing that is missing is that you are not getting into the space of watching yourself. You cannot depend on me forever. In the beginning it is good, in the beginning it is helpful, but if it becomes a dependence, then it is dangerous. And I don’t want anybody to be dependent on me, so my whole effort is to push you - as quickly as possible - into watching, into witnessing, into being a free individual, a free seeker, a searcher with total freedom.
All the religions of the world have been committing one of the great crimes: they want people to be dependent on them. They never want people to become independent, because that means losing customers. You are not my customers; to teach you is not my profession, it is simply my joy. I don’t want any reward for it; just that you allowed me to share my heart with you is reward unto itself.
But the conditioning of the mind is so old, the conditioning that you go on hoping that somebody is going to save you: some savior, some messenger of God, but it is somebody else’s business. You want to throw the responsibility on somebody else. That will not be the right thing - at least here in this place with me.
A young Irish girl was talking to the Reverend Mother about her ambitions in life. “When I grow up,” she announced, “I want to be a prostitute.”
The Reverend Mother gasped and threw up her hands in horror. “Did I hear you rightly? What was it you said you wanted to be?”
The Reverend Mother sighed with relief, “Oh, praise the Lord,” she said. “I thought you said a Protestant.”