I’ve been feeling sad lately... for no reason that I know of.
You are holding – that may be the whole problem. You don’t trust life. Somewhere deep down there is a mistrust of life, as if, if you don’t control them, things will go wrong and that if you remain in control only then can things go right; you have to always deliberately manage things. Maybe your childhood conditioning has helped in that way. That has done much damage, because when a person starts managing everything, his life is lived at the minimum.
Life is such a vast phenomenon; it is impossible to manage it. And if you really want to manage it, you have to cut it to the minimum; then you can manage. Otherwise life is wild.
It is as wild as these clouds, and this rain and this breeze and these trees and the sky. It is wild – and you have cut your wild part out completely. You are afraid of it – that’s why you don’t open as much as you can, and that is creating your sadness also.
Sadness is nothing but the same energy that could have been happiness.
When you don’t see that your happiness is flowering, you become sad. Whenever you see somebody happy, you become sad: Why is it not happening to you? It can happen to you! There is no problem in it. You just have to uncondition your past. You will have to go a little out of the way for it to happen, so just make a little effort to open yourself. Even if it feels a little painful in the beginning.... In the beginning it will feel painful.
Start one meditation in the night, from tonight. Just feel as if you are not a human being at all. You can choose any animal that you like. If you like a cat, good. If you like a dog, good...or a tiger – male, female – anything you like. Just choose, but then stick to it. Become that animal. Move on all fours in the room and become that animal.
For fifteen minutes enjoy the fantasy as much as you can. Bark if you are a dog and do things a dog is expected to do – and really do them! Enjoy it and don’t control, because a dog cannot control. A dog means absolute freedom, so whatsoever happens in that moment, do. In that moment don’t bring in the human element of control. Be really doggedly a dog! For fifteen minutes roam around the room...bark, jump. Continue this for seven days. It will help.
You need a little more animal energy. You are too sophisticated, too civilized, and that is crippling you.
Too much civilization is a paralyzing thing. It is good in a small dose but too much of it is very dangerous. One should always remain capable of being an animal.
Your animal has to be freed; that is the problem as I see it. If you can learn to be a little wild, all your problems will disappear. So start from tonight – and enjoy it!