Mrs. Eisenberg’s heart swelled with maternal sympathy. “Hymie,” she said, “I’m going to embroider the answers on the inside of your shirt, and you just look down and read them the next time those nuns pick on you.”
“Thanks Mum,” said Hymie, and he didn’t bat an eye when Sister Michele asked him who was the world’s most famous virgin. “Mary,” he answered.
“Very good,” said the nun. “And who was her husband?”
“Joseph,” answered the boy.
“I see you have been studying. Now, can you tell me the name of their son?”
“Sure,” said Hymie, “Calvin Klein.”
To me, your fantastic variation of dynamic meditation you do with us at the end of every evening discourse is one of the most energy-laden experiences I’ve ever had. All your lovers are radiating, everything is vibrating. I feel we are broadcasting energy waves like a huge radio antenna. The glow must even be visible from outer space. Osho, if we don’t wake up this time, then what? Or are you keeping even louder alarms up your sleeve?
It is almost impossible for you not to wake up this time. I am going to do everything to wake you up. I have ice cold water prepared; I am preparing people to pull you out of your bed and give you a good beating.
But anyway, you have to wake up, because for me this is the last time. I will not be here again, so I have to do everything that I can do. And if you miss it will be really unfortunate, because one never knows when you will come across a man who loves you so much that he can be so hard and so cruel as to hit on your head, not bothering what happens to your skull – but somehow you should get up and open your eyes.
The masters in the past have done strange things to wake up their disciples. One Zen master, Fui Hai, had a big monastery. It had two wings, right and left, and in the middle was his cottage. He had a beautiful cat, and all the monks of the monastery loved it. There were almost one thousand monks, five hundred on one side and five hundred on the other side. And they all used to fight, particularly when the master was not at home. The problem was the cat – who should have it?
The right wingers said, “It belongs to us, we are older than you.” It was true; the right wing was made first and the left wing was added later on. But the left wingers said, “It is true that your wing was made first, but then there was no cat. The cat came when the left wing was being made. We own it.”
It was a constant fight, and the cat was being taken from this wing to that wing, and the master got fed up with this whole thing – every day complaints.
One day he gathered all the monks, except one monk who was not present; he had gone to the city to purchase a few things for the monastery.