But this is a consequence, not a result. And be clearly aware of the difference between consequence and result. A result is consciously desired; a consequence is a by-product. For example, if I say to you that if you are playing happiness will be the consequence, any play, you will try it for a result. You go and you play, and you are waiting for the result of happiness. But I told you it will be the consequence, not the result.
Consequence means that if you are really in the play, happiness will happen. If you constantly think about happiness, then it is going to be a result; it will never happen. A result is a conscious effort; a consequence is just a by-product. If you are deep in play, you will be happy. But the very expectation, the conscious longing for happiness, will not allow you to be deep in play. The longing for the result will become the barrier and you will not be happy.
Happiness is not a result, it is a consequence. If I tell you that if you love you will be happy, happiness will be a consequence, not a result. If you think that because you want to be happy you must love, nothing will come out of it. The whole thing will be bogus because one cannot love for any result. Love happens! There is no motivation behind it.
If there is motivation, it is not love. It may be anything else. If I am motivated and I think that because I long for happiness I will love you, this love will be false. And because it will be false, happiness will not result out of it. It will not come; that is impossible. But if I love you without any motivation, happiness follows like a shadow.
Tantra says, acceptance will be followed by transformation, but do not make acceptance a technique for transformation. It is not! Do not long for transformation – only then does transformation happen. If you desire it, your very desire is the hindrance. Then there is no question of what indulgence is and what repression is.
This question comes to the mind only because you are not ready to accept the whole. Accept it! Let it be indulgence and accept it! If you accept it, you will be thrown to the middle. Or let it be repression and accept it! If there is acceptance, you will be thrown to the middle. Through acceptance you cannot remain with the extreme. Extreme means denial of something – accepting something and denying something. Extreme means being for something and against something. The moment you accept whatsoever is the case you will be thrown to the middle, you will not remain with the extreme.
So forget any intellectual understanding of what repression is and what indulgence is. It is nonsense and it will not lead you anywhere. Just accept, wherever you are. If you are in indulgence, accept it. Why be afraid of it?
But there is a problem. If you are in indulgence, you can remain in indulgence only if you are simultaneously trying to transcend it. That gives a good feeling to the ego: you can feel good and you can postpone. You know this is not going to be forever. You feel, “Today I am indulgent, but tomorrow I will be beyond it.” The tomorrow helps you to be in indulgence today. You know that “Today I am drinking alcohol or smoking, but this is not going to be for all my life. I know this is bad, and tomorrow I am going to leave it.”