A teacher always remains consistent with a certain current of ideology. The master is basically contradictory, inconsistent. He has to be, because what he is saying is not within his hands. It is in the hands of the universe itself, he is only a vehicle. Whatever kind of song existence brings to his lips, he cannot edit anything out of it or make any additions, improvements. A master is very raw in the sense that he brings whatever comes from existence exactly as it is. He is never a polished man.
The master does not in any way humiliate you by making you disciples. By accepting you as disciples he gives you dignity and individuality. He asks nothing from you and he goes on giving to you things which have no price, but are immensely valuable. The effort of a master is to become a certain milieu, a certain presence so that he need not even say anything to you. Just sitting by his side, your heart slowly, slowly starts falling in tune with the master. And the master’s heart is in tune with the heart of the universe. Being in tune with the master, you are also in tune with the universe. It is not knowledgeability that makes a master, it is innocence.
And I know absolutely, with certainty, that this fellow, Lee Lozowick, is not an innocent man. He has betrayed his teacher – and you are doing the same here. You have betrayed him. But one cannot blame him, because when he went to Da Free John he must have thought of him as a master and slowly, slowly discovered that he is only a teacher – but if a teacher can attract so many disciples, what is the point of remaining with him? And he started collecting his own disciples.
If you have been with a master, it is almost impossible to desert him. Your love will prevent you from doing that. Your trust will become a Himalaya between you and the whole world. Your master is your whole universe.
And it is strange that you are asking, “Now, after one week in Pune, a nagging feeling has arisen in me: Have I truly taken sannyas, and are you truly my master?” What happened to Lee Lozowick? It took you six years and still you want to go back to him. The reason is clear: it is not that you have found a master in him, you have found in him a recognition for your ego.
Here, your ego is going to be destroyed every day. Unless you disappear completely, leaving only your essential being, you are not a sannyasin. What happens when a person like you, after six or seven days, takes sannyas? What is going on in his mind? He is thinking that by taking sannyas some miracle is going to happen to him. You are absolutely wrong. This sannyas that you take is not going to bring any miracle, it is simply entering into a commune of seekers, making yourself available, becoming an insider and not just a spectator. Then learn step by step the ways of love, the ways of trust; then learn step by step how to enter into your own being. The day you enter into your own center will be the true sannyas. This is only a formality.