Last night whilst lying in bed and allowing my mind to wander down creative corridors, I experienced what I can only describe as a mental somersault, and I looked, for the first time, inside. I will not attempt to describe how it felt, but I can say it was more ecstatic than anything I could imagine. I felt doors that were stuck tight, dissolve, and in my trembling and astonished innocence I was aware of your compassionate presence cushioning me. Oh my precious and beloved master, what was this treasure I discovered? Is this what you call meditation, and will it be easy to find again?
It has been a beautiful first glimpse of meditation. But the first glimpse should not be desired; otherwise you will destroy it. Just as it has happened on its own – you were not attempting to achieve it – allow it to come and go; don’t be greedy. That is one of the great obstacles on the path of those who are in search of themselves. A glimpse happens, it is ecstatic, and the old mind immediately grabs it and starts thinking in its old pattern: how to get it again.
Mind is not going to get any experience of meditation. And the more greedy the mind becomes, the less is the possibility of that relaxed state when meditation blossoms. So one most important thing to be remembered is: forget all about it. It has come on its own, it will come on its own. It cannot be made a goal. Our mind turns everything into a goal; its whole training is for achieving: if you have achieved this much, you should achieve it again and you should achieve more.
But the very desire of achieving is a disturbance, is a tension, is an anxiety. It happens to almost everybody when for the first time the sky opens inside. You were not asking for it; you were doing something else. But you were relaxed, calm, and quiet. You were ready, but you were not demanding anything from existence.
Existence never yields to any of our demands. It is the demanding mind that has been creating all our misery.
Once you have tasted something that you have never tasted before, it seems absolutely natural to ask for it again and again. But you have to understand that meditation is something not of your doing. It is not your act. It is something that happens to you in a certain space. That space is not of desire, not of demand, but of absolute relaxation and trust in nature. If it has given you one glimpse, it will give you many glimpses of a deeper nature, of a higher quality. Right now you may not be able even to imagine them, because unless you experience something, you cannot imagine it, you cannot dream about it.
This is the very beginning of the journey on the path, but a very beautiful opening. If you don’t come in the way, many more experiences will follow.
So the only thing to avoid is yourself coming in the way. Remember always that it is a happening, so when you are not anxious to get it, only then it is possible. Your anxiety, your tension, your greed, make your mind very confused and do not allow the relaxed space where flowers of meditation blossom. You are saying, “Last night whilst laying in bed and allowing my mind to wander down creative corridors, I experienced what I can only describe as a mental somersault. And I looked for the first time inside.” It all happened naturally. It was not preplanned. You were not looking for it.