What I am trying to say is that every effort that has been directed toward avoiding loneliness has failed, and will fail, because it is against the fundamentals of life. What is needed is not something in which you can forget your loneliness. What is needed is that you become aware of your aloneness, which is a reality. And it is so beautiful to experience it, to feel it, because it is your freedom from the crowd, from the other. It is your freedom from the fear of being lonely.
Just the word lonely immediately reminds you that it is like a wound: something is needed to fill it. It is a gap and it hurts: something needs to be filled into it. Aloneness, the very word aloneness does not have the same sense of a wound, of a gap that has to be filled. Aloneness simply means completeness. You are whole; there is no need of anybody else to complete you.
So try to find your innermost center, where you are always alone, have always been alone. In life, in death – wherever you are you will be alone. But it is so full, it is not empty, it is so full and so complete and so overflowing with all the juices of life, with all the beauties and benedictions of existence, that once you have tasted your aloneness the pain in the heart will disappear. Instead, a new rhythm of tremendous sweetness, peace, joy, bliss, will be there.
It does not mean that a man who is centered in his aloneness, complete in himself, cannot make friends. In fact only he can make friends, because now it is no longer a need, it is just sharing. He has too much; he can share.
Friendship can be of two types. One is a friendship in which you are a beggar. You need something from the other to help you forget your loneliness, and the other is also a beggar, he wants the same from you. And naturally two beggars cannot help each other. Soon they will see that their begging to a beggar has doubled or multiplied the need. Instead of there being one beggar, now there are two. And if, unfortunately, they have children, then a whole company of beggars is asking and nobody has something to give. So everybody is frustrated and angry, and everybody feels he is being cheated, deceived. And in fact nobody is cheating and nobody is deceiving, because what have you got?
The other kind of friendship, the other kind of love, has a totally different quality. It is not of need, it is out of having too much so that you want to share. A new kind of joy has come into your being – that of sharing, which you were not even aware of before. You have always been begging. And when you share, there is no question of clinging. You flow with existence, you flow with life’s change, because it doesn’t matter with whom you share. It can be the same person tomorrow for your whole life – the same person – or it can be different persons. It is not a contract, it is not a marriage. It is simply out of your fullness that you want to give, so whosoever happens to be nearer to you, you give it.
And giving is such a joy, and begging is such a misery. Even if you get through begging, you will remain miserable. It hurts. It hurts your pride, it hurts your integrity. But sharing makes you more centered, more integrated, more proud, not more egoistic; more proud that existence has been compassionate to you. It is not ego; it is a totally different phenomenon…a recognition that existence has allowed you something for which millions of people are trying, but at the wrong door. You happen to be at the right door.