You can go on and on for lives together. That’s what you have been doing up to now. You will never reach anywhere. You will be always running and never reaching because the goal is within you, but to see that, you have to drop all competition, all ambition.
And remember, it is very easy to change your competitiveness into a new competitiveness, to drop the old and to have something new again in the same way, the same ambition. You are ambitious in the world, then you drop it; then you become ambitious in the name of religion, spirituality; then again you compete. Then again the same ego enters in.
I have heard one anecdote. Listen to it very alertly.
Two brothers died at the same time and arrived at the Pearly Gates together, where they were interviewed by St. Peter.
He said to the first brother, “Have you been good during your life on earth?”
And he replied, “Oh yes, Your Saintliness, I have been honest, sober, and industrious, and I have never messed around with women.”
“Good lad,” said St. Peter, and gave him a beautiful gleaming white Rolls Royce. “There is your reward for being a good boy.”
Then he said to the other brother, “And what about you?”
He sighed, “Well, I have always been very different from my brother. I have been crooked, drunk, idle – and a devil with the women.”
“Ah well,” said St. Peter, “boys will be boys, and at least you have owned up to it. You can have this, then.” And he gave him the keys to a Mini-Minor.
The two brothers were about to get in their cars when the one who had been naughty started roaring with laughter. The other one said, “What’s so funny then?”
He said, “I have just seen the vicar riding a bike!”
Your whole enjoyment is always just comparative. Comparison gives you a feeling of where you are – behind the man who has a Rolls Royce but in front of the man who has a bike. It gives you the exact location where you are.
You can pinpoint yourself on the map, but this is not the right way to know where you are, because you are nowhere on the map. The map is illusory; you are somewhere beyond the map. Nobody is in front of you and nobody is at the back. You are alone – tremendously alone. You are unique, you are alone, you are one; and there is nobody else there to be compared with.
That’s why people become very much afraid of going within because then they are moving into their aloneness, where all paths disappear, all possibilities of location where you are, disappear. All maps – imaginary, political, cultural, social – all disappear. Suddenly you are in the wilderness of your being and you don’t know where you are. This is exactly what has happened: “I feel lost – there is no way back to my old life – the bridges are broken. And I don’t see a way in front of me.”