When you love a person, many many times you will have to hate him also, but then it is part of love. A father loves his child. Many times he will be angry also and he will hit and beat the child. And a child is never offended by anger, never. A child is offended when you are simply angry without any cause, when you are destructive without any cause. When a child cannot understand why, then he cannot forgive you. If he can understand why – he has broken a clock, now he understands that the father is going to hit him, and he accepts it. In fact, if the father does not hit him he will carry the guilt and that is very destructive. He will continuously be afraid that some day or other it is going to be known that he has broken a precious watch or a clock or something, and guilt will be there and a wound will be there. He wants it to be cleared up, he wants it to be finished, and the only way it can be finished is that the father becomes angry – now everything is in balance. He committed something wrong, father became angry, he is punished. Things are finished. He is clean. Now he can move unburdened.
In the West, because of the psychologists in this century, much absurdity has happened in the relationship between the parents and the children. And one of the absurd things that they have taught is: never be angry with your child, never hit him, never hate him. Because of this teaching, parents have become afraid. This is something new. Children have always been afraid of parents, but now in America parents are afraid of children. Something may go wrong psychologically and then their child may be crazy or go mad or become schizophrenic or split – neurosis, psychosis, something may happen in the future and they will be responsible. So what is happening? A father, if he loves the child, feels the anger – so what will he do? He will suppress the anger. And that a child can never forgive, because when a father suppresses anger the anger becomes cold.
Try to understand this. Whenever anger is cold it is of the devil; whenever anger is hot it is of god. A hot anger is beautiful, alive; a cold anger is deadly, poisonous.
When a father really is hot, perspiring, red in the face, and hits the child, the child knows that the father loves him, otherwise why bother so much? But when the father is cold, sarcastic, not angry, but in subtle ways showing his anger – in a cold way, the way he moves, the way he enters the house, the way he looks at the child or doesn’t look at the child…. This coldness shows that the father doesn’t love him, doesn’t love him enough to be hotly angry.
And that has created the generation gap in the West, nothing else. Children have moved on their own; parents have remained in a cold, dead emotion…imprisoned. Vast distances have appeared. There is no communication. A father cannot talk to the child because he is afraid that if he talks – really communicates, becomes hot – anger will come. So it is better not to talk – avoid the situation, don’t communicate.
The same has happened between wives and husbands in the West, and now it is happening in the East – because in fact the East is disappearing. By the end of the twentieth century, the whole world will be West. There will be no East, it will exist only in the books of history, in museums; it will be a nostalgia. The East is disappearing – it will be there in geography, but in the human consciousness it will have no place.
What has happened in the West? The same – if you love your wife how can you hate her? If you love your wife how can you hit her? If she loves you she loves you twenty-four hours a day, constantly. You are demanding impossible things.