I said, “I know your relatives – they also visit me – and I know that they are antagonistic to you. The reason is very simple: you have never allowed them to do anything for you. You have always been doing things for them and you have never allowed them to do even a small thing for you – you have not even asked them to bring you a roseflower – so they are all feeling humiliated.
“And it is not love that you are talking about, it is just ego: ‘I have done so much!’ You want to show them, ‘I have done so much and I don’t need anybody to do anything for me’ – that’s why there is antagonism. Of course, you have done it with good intentions, but intentions don’t count. The unconscious desire for ego fulfillment, for ego gratification is hurting them.”
I said to him, “Once in a while give them a chance. I know that you don’t need anything, but they have beautiful gardens and you can tell them sometimes, ‘Bring roses for me.’ Sometimes when you fall ill you can ask them to come and just sit by your side, and they will all feel happy. Just small things. Sometimes you can ask them, ‘Invite me to supper, to dinner,’ and they will be immensely overjoyed; they will not feel antagonism.”
He said, “That I cannot do – that is impossible. That is against my nature.”
Then I told him, “It is absolutely clear now – even you can see it – why all your good deeds have brought antagonism.”
These do-gooders are mischievous people. They do good, but their desire is just the opposite of it. The idea of feeling superior to the other is present in both cases, whether you feel sorry or you have compassion.
And you say: “…and that it does not necessarily have anything to do with love.” Certainly it does not necessarily have anything to do with love – not only that, it is anti-love because it is an ego trip and ego can never be in tune with love. Ego is poison to love, it is necessarily anti-love. Your compassion is not out of love if some desire of being superior is being fulfilled by it.
The lover never feels superior – the lover cannot feel superior, the lover cannot even think that he has obliged anybody. On the contrary, when somebody receives your love you feel obliged that your love was not rejected – it could have been rejected – that your love was respected, welcomed. You feel obliged, you feel thankful, you feel grateful.
And you say: “…whereas compassion must be an integral part of loving.” No, compassion is higher than love. Love is an integral part of compassion, but compassion is not an integral part of love. That’s the difference between thinking and meditation.
These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex – it is physical – and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love – love is exactly in the middle.
Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love – it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential.