What I’m saying to you is this: unless you become a unity this will continue. In the day you can control, you can become a good man. In the night you will become a bad man, you will become a criminal in your dreams. You will do the same things that you have been controlling the whole day, exactly the same things. If you have fasted in the day, you will feast in your dream. Your denied part will take its revenge. And you cannot go both ways together. That’s the disease called man, that’s the angst, the anguish of man – you cannot go both ways. You cannot be good and bad together, you cannot be saint and sinner together, that is the difficulty.
You have to choose. And once you choose, you are torn apart, you are in a dilemma, you are on the horns of a dilemma. The moment you choose, difficulty arises. That’s why many people choose not to choose; they live a life of drifting – whatsoever happens, happens. They don’t choose, because the moment they choose, this creates anxiety.
Have you watched, observed, that whenever you have to make a decision you become very, very anxious? Maybe it is a very ordinary decision. You are purchasing a pair of shoes and you cannot decide which pair, and anxiety arises. Now it is rubbish – but still anxiety arises.
Anxiety has nothing to do with great decisions, anxiety has something to do with decision as such. Because you are two – whenever you decide, both your parts try to dominate. Your mother tries to dominate, your father tries to dominate. And of course you know well, they never agreed about anything, they don’t agree in you also.
Your mother says this pair is good. Your father says don’t listen to her, she is foolish; this pair is right. Your male energy says one thing, your female energy says another thing. Your female energy has different attitudes; it looks at the beauty of the pair of shoes, the shape, the form, the color, aesthetics. The male energy has a different attitude. It looks at the durability of the shoe, the price, the power – whether the shoe has a powerful shape so when you go walking on the streets your male ego is exhibited through it.
Each thing that the male ego chooses has to be somehow a phallic symbol. The male ego chooses a car with great speed – a phallic symbol, forceful. You will always find impotent people sitting in great phallic cars – impotent people. The more impotent they become, the more powerful a car they choose. They have to compensate.
The male ego always chooses that which will fulfill the male ego: I am powerful – that is the basic consideration. The feminine ego chooses something which gives another sort of power – I am beautiful. Hence they never agree. If your mother purchases something, your father is bound to disagree with it. They are not made to agree, their visions are different.
Mulla Nasruddin tried many girls, but his mother would reject. So he came to me. He said, “Sir, help me. Whomsoever I choose, my mother is so dominating and so aggressive and she immediately rejects. I am tired. Am I going to remain a bachelor my whole life?”
I told him, “You do one thing. You choose a woman considering your mother’s likes and dislikes. Only then will she approve.”