It is auspicious that you felt you were a particle of light. Prepare to be lost. One day you will feel that the particle of light is also lost, and only sky remains. Then drunkenness will completely overwhelm you. Then you will drown in the wine of truth. Then you will dance. Then you will experience the full taste of nectar.
“After discourse also, an experience of lightness and emptiness continued. I wanted to keep wandering in this sky.” Here we make a small mistake. When we have any pleasant experience, we want it again and again. How weak man’s mind is. It is full of desires, full of greed; temptations go on arising. It wants to repeat whatever is pleasant. But remember one thing: repetition is already wrong. As soon as you wish, “Let it happen again,” it can never take place, because the first time it occurred it was not from your desire. It happened by itself, it was not your act.
This is where Ashtavakra puts the whole emphasis: truth happens. It is not an act, it is a happening. It happened to you while listening. What were you doing? Listening means you weren’t doing anything. You were sitting feeling empty. You were silent, you were alert, you were awake, you were not asleep. Good! But what were you doing? You were simply a receiver. Your mind was mirrorlike – what came before it was reflected, what was said was heard. You were not adding anything to it. If you were adding anything it would never have happened. You were not making commentaries, you were not saying in your mind, “Yes, this is right, that is wrong. I agree with it, I disagree. It is according to the scriptures,” or “It is not.” You were not making logical statements about it. If you had been lost in logic this happening would never have taken place.
The one who has asked – Swami Om Prakash Saraswati – I know him. His mind is far away from logic, far away from doubts and arguments. Those days are gone. Once he may have made logical arguments, may have raised doubts. Now he has ripened from the experiences of life. Now that childishness is not in the mind. This is why it could happen. He was simply listening, sitting, not doing anything – he just went on sitting and it happened.
It happened the first time without your doing anything. If you want it to happen a second time, this will create a disturbance. Desiring was not the cause of its happening. So when such a rare happening takes place, do not desire. When it happens, accept it joyously. When it doesn’t happen, don’t complain, do not ask for it. Ask and you will miss. In asking is a demand, an insistence: “It should happen. It happened once, why doesn’t it happen now?”