Meanwhile he is growing…and you can see the growth. Slowly, slowly he is becoming more clear. He is no longer in the mind, he is stating things which are beyond mind and he is making pointers to the ultimate realization in exactly the right direction.
This sutra, Don’t Consciously Await Enlightenment, is of great importance. Even awaiting is a form of desire, very subtle, very soft. Desire is a little crude, primitive, unsophisticated; awaiting is more sophisticated, more cultured – but deep down it is still desire. The desire has become decorated, but it has not changed.
Enlightenment is possible only when there is no desire at all, in any form, within you. You are not even waiting for it. You are simply relaxed and allowing things to happen. You don’t have a certain will that things should be moving in a certain direction, that things should culminate into the point of enlightenment. You don’t have that any more. You are just in a let-go, watching the flow of experiences, but not getting attached to anything, not bothering about the past and not awaiting any special future.
Don’t consciously await enlightenment, otherwise you will miss it.
So what has to be done? One has simply to live in a state of let-go – going nowhere, with nothing to be sought, no goal to be reached, no great experience to be expected. One simply lives day-to-day life in utter relaxation, as if this moment is all: there is no concern about the next moment.
When you are in this cleanness of no desire, no awaiting, no thinking about the future, simply enjoying the moment that you have got in its fullness, enlightenment comes. It comes always from the back door. If you are awaiting it, you will be at the front door. It comes so silently that if you are waiting to hear its footsteps, you will miss. The change is so silent that when it has happened, only then you know…”My God, what has happened? I am no longer the same person.”
This is a beautiful statement, very truthful. And what follows…all the sutras have to be understood clearly – except one statement that Ta Hui has quoted before, which he is quoting again, and which seems to come from some kind of unconscious guilt in him, because he called Buddha ‘the pale face’ and ‘the barbarian.’
As he is coming closer and closer inside, in his consciousness, he must be becoming aware that he has misbehaved, that he has not been grateful to the great master – he is a disciple of Gautam Buddha. Although he has come fifteen centuries afterwards, he is from the same line, in the same lineage, and he should not have spoken those words. But those words were spoken when he was only an intellectual; they don’t carry any value, except as a historical record.
Only one statement shows that he is feeling that he has done something wrong – and to avoid that wrong, he is making another wrong statement. This is the trouble when you don’t understand and start repenting.