The ego disappears only from the peak, when it has come to its crescendo. You cannot drop a lukewarm ego. No, that is not possible, because it still hopes. It says, “Who knows? – a few efforts more, a few more practices, a little more renunciation…. Who knows? We have not looked in all the directions yet, there is still a possibility” – and the ego lingers. But when you have explored, searched – in all possible directions – and you have always failed, nothing but failure has been your experience, how long can you continue searching, seeking? One day, searching and seeking drop.
So remember this paradox: enlightenment is possible only to those who stop seeking. But who can stop seeking? – only one who has searched deeply enough. This is the paradox. This is one of the great secrets to be understood. Let it sink into your heart.
There is every possibility of choosing one. There are people who say, “Seek, and ye shall find” – that is only half the truth. Just by seeking nobody has ever found. Then there are people who say, “If by seeking, God cannot be found, then why seek at all? Wait. It will happen through his grace.” It never happens that way either. You have been waiting for centuries, for lives, and it has not happened: it is enough to prove that it doesn’t happen that way. Then how does it happen? It happens to a seeker when he drops his seeking.
It happens to one who has searched with his total potential and has failed, utterly failed. In that failure, the first ray of light, and then it takes you by surprise! When you are completely feeling hopeless, when you are thinking to forget all about enlightenment, when the search has stopped, when even the desire to be enlightened has left you, suddenly it is there…and “therewith the matter is settled.”
That’s how it happened to Chiyono, that’s how it happened to Buddha, that’s how it always happens.
Buddha worked for six years – hard work. I think nobody else has done such hard work. He did whatsoever he was told, whatsoever he heard could be done, whatsoever he could gather from anywhere. He went to every kind of Master and he did real, arduous work – sincere, serious. But then one day, after six years of wastage, he realized the fact that it was not going to happen that way, that “The more I work for it, the more I am.”
That day he relaxed. He dropped the whole search. And that very night…and again it was a full-moon night. The full moon has something to do with it: the full moon affects your heart as deeply as it affects the ocean. The full moon stirs you towards beauty and beatitude. It creates something in you…an elixir. It makes you so sensitive that you can see things you had never seen before.