When there is some compulsoriness, the beauty of love disappears and the reality of love changes completely to its opposite. Husband and wife love each other and hate each other too, simultaneously. They hate because they have to love under compulsion, under the rules of society, convention, law. The husband can demand love; the wife can demand love, but it is a demanding love; in subtle ways they demand, not directly.
As the husband comes home…the wife was perfectly okay listening to the radio, looking at the television, singing to herself, and as the husband comes, she immediately lies down and suddenly, the headache!
The story is that Adam was constantly bothering God: first, he was alone and he had no idea that there was something missing in his life. But then he saw a bull doing something to a cow. And he ran to God and said, “What is happening? What is that bull doing to the cow?”
And God said, “You don’t bother me again and again. I have told you, the bull is loving the cow.” And all the animals and the birds…and Adam was again and again asking. Finally, God became tired and told him, “I will give you a wife also.”
And the next day, in the morning, Adam ran after God and said, “Just a minute, please, what is a headache?”
The first night, the very first night of humanity’s beginning, and the headache is the first problem that arises – the wife had a headache.
These are ways of manipulating. When your wife has a headache, naturally you have to be loving. This is not a time to quarrel or fight or to argue or tell her things that she has done wrong. Some other time – this is not the time; she is already suffering. The headache is a way to ask for your sympathy, but it is not love. The man will show sympathy; and sympathy is ugly in comparison to love. Always remember: all these qualities are relative.
Sympathy is good in comparison to antipathy, but sympathy is very poor and ugly in comparison to love.
You have heard about Albert Einstein’s law of relativity. Somebody has reduced it to a simple maxim: the theory of relativity says that it all depends on which side of the toilet door you are. If you are inside time is going fast, and if you are outside time is going slow. It is the same time, just the door is creating the whole trouble.
Love is something that can blossom in its beauty only when unasked, when it is not demanded. When it comes on its own, even unconsciously, it has tremendous beauty. The moment you demand, it may come because the wife is dependent on you…and in certain ways, the husband is dependent on the wife. Love happens between two independent people not between two slaves of each other. And the poor children are brought up by these two persons who themselves don’t know the secret of the opening of the heart.