But there is one thing I would like to say to you, Krausova: that the desire to be a disciple has arisen in you. Otherwise, from whence this question, from where? Why this question at all? The desire has arisen; now you would like to make that desire rational, hence the question. You want to satisfy your intellect – that there is a reason to be a disciple: “I’m not a fool, I’m not mad. I am going into this disciplehood because there is a reason to it.” There is none, and all reasons are invented reasons.
You can invent, you can invent millions of reasons. Mind is so inventive – it can create so many fictions, and so easily and cheaply. Nobody is hindering you. You will be surprised to know that when you say “I am becoming a disciple because I want to know God,” that is all bullshit. That is just trying to find a reason for some unreasonable act. Your mind feels a little guilty: “What are you doing?” The mind asks, “First supply the answer to me,” and you say, “Because I am a seeker for God.” And you don’t know anything about God – how can you be a seeker for God? You have never met him, you have never seen him. You have never experienced anything divine; how can you search for him? The search can arise only out of a certain taste that has happened to you, and that has not happened yet. Then you say, “I am in search of truth.” What do you mean by truth? What is truth? Nobody has yet been able to define it. Yes, thousands and thousands of thinkers have tried, and all in vain. Nobody has been able to say exactly what truth is. And whatsoever is said about it becomes untrue. You cannot say, “I am a seeker for truth.” These are ways just to put mind at ease: “I want to know myself, I want to know what this existence is.”
But I say to you again and again, becoming a disciple has nothing to do with these things. Becoming a disciple is just falling in love. It is utterly foolish! But only fools are courageous. It is idiotic!
Remember the story that we were talking about just the other day? – “Thus the wise man came to be called ‘The Idiot’.” If you can be so courageous to accept this absurd desire to become a disciple, then only can you become. I am not here to convince you. I am not here to give any reasons to your mind, because all reasons are false. The heart has its own reasons the mind knows nothing of, but those reasons are indefinable, elusive, ineffable, inexplicable. Explain them and they look very stupid.
Somebody asks you, “Why have you fallen in love with this woman?” and you say, “Because she has such a beautiful nose,” and it looks so stupid! So you have fallen in love with this long nose? Or you say, “She has such beautiful hair?” How can one fall in love with hair? or with a nose? or with a color? or with a shape? That all looks so juvenile, but the mind hankers for some reason. The mind wants to know why and finds none – it starts creating its own reasons.
The real thing is not that you have fallen in love with this woman because she is beautiful. Just vice versa is the case: she looks beautiful because you have fallen in love. Love comes first, beauty is second. Beauty is just a shadow experience, because the same woman is not beautiful to others. Sometimes others will laugh at you: “What do you go on seeing in this woman? I don’t see anything at all.” “She looks so horrible to me,” somebody will say, “and you are mad.”