By and by you will forget completely that you were acting. Your problems will remain in the unconscious, waiting, but by and by you will stop looking at them. In fact you will avoid them whenever they come up.
This is not only for you, but for all group leaders. This is so for the Primal Therapy leader who is also present. She is perfect in helping others, then her technical knowledge functions. But when it comes to her own problems all technical knowledge flops.
I wanted it to become difficult for you because only then can you become aware that helping is good, and being of service to people is good, but you should not be lost in it. It is your growth, finally, for which you have to do something.
In this group suddenly you were not a leader but a participant too, because I was waiting outside the group. I was forcing you into the group, and that became the problem, and because of that you were not so certain about yourself. That’s why you thought that the group was average, below average, but it wasn’t. The leader wasn’t perfectly a leader. I was pulling your leg. The group was perfectly good, but you were missing your confidence, so your problems were coming in.
That’s how I managed the whole thing. I had forced your ex-wife to be in it, with your beloved there too, and you were in trouble. One woman is enough to create trouble, but your beloved and your ex-wife were both there. They created much trouble; not that they created it, but their presence was there – watching you, watching where you were going and what you were doing. And on top of it I was watching continuously! So I know it was difficult, but it can become a very very valuable insight to you.
Next time simply relax. You need not be worried about my approval. What you do is not the point, but what you are. Whether you do or not, succeed or fail, is irrelevant. My approval is unconditional, and you can rely on it. You can be a failure and rely on it; you need not bother about being successful.
So next group, rather than working on your own, allow me to work through you, and then you will see the difference. Just work as a vehicle. Whenever you feel hesitant or uncertain, close your eyes and remember me. Suddenly you will feel a bridge between you and the sannyasins.
You have been working with other types of groups, and this was totally different: you belong to me, and they all belong to me. Other groups were all individuals. They were crowds because each individual existed separately. This, for the first time, was a group, because the sannyasins are not a crowd; they belong to me and are my family. They have a certain affinity with each other.
That also created trouble – the group was bigger than the leader. You could have tackled each individual easily, but it was not simply a group, mm? This time you made it a problem, and that was your mistake. You could have used it. This time you thought I was coming in between, because they repeated my words, hid behind them. So it became a problem for you – but next time you can use it.