Bodhidharma is right; the meditator has to behave like an elephant. And he will be surprised: all those who are surrounding his inside – many facades, many voices – start becoming distant. Soon a moment comes when they are so far away that it seems you have only seen them, heard them, in a dream. And as they go, receding…a great silence, a tremendous tranquillity settles in your being.
Your question is, “These days, looking inside, I do not find a personality with certain characteristics, but rather an ever-changing flux, totally unpredictable. It makes life in this body feel very fragile, vulnerable and momentary – a feeling which extends itself to everything around me, shaking me to the roots.”
It appears as if it is a curse – it is not.
The roots that can be shaken are not your roots, and that which is fragile, that which is momentary, does not belong to you. Only one thing belongs to you in this whole experience: that is the watcher, the witness. Who is witnessing the fragileness, the ever-changing flux of personalities? Who is watching the shaking of the roots? Certainly he is beyond all of it.
That beyondness is yours.
That beyondness is you.
That is your individuality, that is your being.
Settle in that witnessing, and all that you are feeling disturbed by will disappear. It is just the first encounter of entering into oneself. Don’t go back; go deeper into it.
Ginsberg sits down in a Moscow cafe and orders a glass of tea and a copy of Pravda.
“I will bring the tea,” the waiter tells him, “but I can’t bring a copy of Pravda. The Soviet regime has been overthrown and Pravda is not published anymore.”
“All right,” says Ginsberg, “just bring the tea.”
The next day, Ginsberg comes to the same cafe and asks for tea and a copy of Pravda. The waiter gives him the same answer.
On the third day, Ginsberg orders the same and this time the waiter says to him, “Look, sir, you seem to be an intelligent man. For the past three days you have ordered a copy of Pravda and three times now I have had to tell you that the Soviet regime has been overthrown and Pravda is not published anymore.”
“I know, I know,” says Ginsberg, “but I just like to hear you say it!”
It is good news that you don’t exist as a personality. You should rejoice – rejoice in the fact that you are only the witness, the watcher, because that is the only thing which is eternal and immortal. It is the only thing which cannot be transcended by any more beautiful experience, any deeper ecstasy, any greater enlightenment.
Just let this personality, this fragileness, this momentariness, this fear, this trembling of the roots, not be identified with yourself. Remain aloof, a watcher on the hills, and soon the whole scene changes.