If you are going to make love to a woman or to a man, suddenly all the teachers are standing there in a queue and saying: “You are going to commit a crime, you are going to commit sin. Beware! This is the trap. Escape before it is too late.” Even while you are making love to your wife, your mother, your father, your teachers, are there in-between, destroying it.
It is very rare to find a man or a woman who really goes totally into love – you cannot go. Because for many years you have been taught love is something wrong – how can you drop it suddenly?
Unless you are very capable of murdering all these voices…great courage is needed. And that’s what I mean by sannyas. My own definition of sannyas is: a person who is ready to drop all parental voices, who is ready to drop all authorities, who is ready to go into the unknown without any map, on his own. Who is ready to risk.
It happened, Alexander Eliot was studying under a Zen master. For months he was doing meditations, zazen, and he was entering into deeper waters of his own being. One night he had a dream, a very strange dream. But Zen people know about this dream. For Eliot it was strange – he was a Westerner, he was shocked. He relates his dream…
“I recently had a dream in which Bodhidharma appeared. He was a floating huddle of a man – round, ghostly, with bulging eyes and bulbous brow.”
Just like me…Bodhidharma is a dangerous man. And Zen people have painted his face, very lovingly, in a very dangerous way. He was not like that – not actually, not physically. Physically he was one of the most beautiful men ever – but if you come across a picture of a Bodhidharma you will start getting scared. If you look into the eyes of Bodhidharma he looks like a murderer, he is going to kill you. But that’s all that a master does.
Even in the dream, Alexander Eliot became very much scared and started trembling.
“Was he grinning, or grimacing? His coarse bristling whiskers made this impossible to tell. ‘You seem to be a grown-up man,’ he whispered through the beard, ‘yet you have never killed anyone. How come?’”
In a dream, Bodhidharma asks, “You have not killed anyone, and you seem to be a grown-up man. How come?” He was so much shocked that he awoke, and he found himself perspiring and trembling. “What does this strange man mean? – ‘How come you have not yet killed anybody?’”
That’s what I mean when I say if you are feeling you are not yet a grown-up man, that simply shows you have not killed anybody yet. Fifty years is already too late – now don’t waste time any more. Kill immediately all the impressions inside you. Wash your inside of all old tapes, unwind your mind. And start living your life, from this moment, as if you don’t know, as if nobody has taught you anything – fresh, clean, from abc.