It was thought that in the third world war all life will disappear. Now it is known rats will live, third world war or no third world war.
All kinds of poisons have been used on rats to save crops. The rats have not died, but the people who ate those crops died.
Your ego is just like a rat. It has the immunity and the adaptability for any situation, whatever you want. You want serenity? You want silence? You want to come back home? Just name it and your ego will give it to you. But anything that is centered on “myself” is going to be wrong.
Remember, no-self is your reality, your authentic reality. And how can you be silent with yourself? The self is the cause of all chaos in you, the self is the cause of all anxiety and misery in you. How can you be silent and find serenity? Your ego is deceiving you. If one has to beware of any enemy, it is the ego, it is the self. You have not come home yet.
You say, “I feel like a flower bud ready to open, yet I do not feel in touch with the energy of love and joy that would allow this flower to bloom.” From where are you going to be in touch with the energy of love and joy? From yourself? Yourself is a false entity; it has no energy and no love.
If you want energy and love for the nourishment of the bud that you feel, then you have to be open to all dimensions of existence and allow existence to reach to you in sun rays, in the songs of the birds. Just listen to their chit-chat, to the trees, to the mountains, to the moon, to the stars, to all living beings, particularly to human beings.
You have to become a receptacle. The ego never wants to be a receptive entity – it goes against the egoistic structure, it goes against its pride. The ego can give, but it cannot take. But it has nothing to give. Unless you take from existence you have nothing to give. Before giving you have to learn getting.
Open to existence, to the starry night, to the day full of flowers, full of the rays of the sun, to human beings who are all potential buddhas. Throw open all your doors and windows and the bud will start opening on its own accord. Do you think any gardener goes to the bud and tries to open it? If you try to open a bud forcibly, you will destroy all possibility of having a beautiful flower…Something crippled, something distorted, something aborted – you did not allow it to open on its own accord. Every bud opens on its own accord. It just has to grow and be ready when the sun rises.
Just wait for the sun.
Again, you are saying, “It is almost as if I have not yet fully opened my heart to myself.” I wonder that you could not see your question and its utter stupidity. To open to yourself? That is almost like trying to fly by pulling on your shoestrings. Rather than opening the bud, you may destroy it. You will fall flat on the earth and forget all about buds and flowers.