The ways of the ego are very subtle and very clever. And then you say, “Osho, am I missing something?” – you are missing everything – “or is it just a matter of time?” Don’t throw the responsibility on time. What does poor time have to do with you? Time will not open your bud.
You need to be aware that the simple process of opening is always towards the beyond. Opening cannot be towards yourself – that’s an absurdity. If you understand what I am saying, then you will be aware that you are full of words which you don’t understand.
The question you have formulated has not arisen in your being. You have tried hard to make it very beautiful. You have used good words, but words are empty things unless they have content. And you cannot deceive me. In your question I can read your whole biography, not only the past but something of the future too.
If you go on this way, you will never reach what you call your home and you will never blossom. You will never know what spring is. You will have to change your whole approach. Right now you seem to be very knowledgeable. But knowledge is all rubbish. You don’t have any experience of anything.
Even about the bud you are simply talking. There is nothing like a bud in you. It cannot be in this wrong situation which surrounds you. Your ego is too strong – it would crush any bud. Your ego is just like a bulldozer. Poor rosebuds cannot stand against a bulldozer.
If you change from all this knowledgeability and accept your ignorance about the path, about the workings of your mind, then you will still be missing meditation. And meditation needs patience. Right now you are already a bud, without any meditation. You are already hoping to open unto yourself, which is really unique, because in the whole of history no mystic has talked about opening unto “yourself.”
Everything is possible – you just have to remove the hindrances: the greatest hindrance is the ego; the second hindrance is knowledgeability without experience; the third hindrance is imagination without seeing clearly that there is no bud yet.
I can see it. I don’t know where you are, who you are, but I can see through your question – the bud cannot be there. Your question is very revealing. You have not reached home; perhaps some caravanserai…an overnight stay but in the morning you have to move on.
Home is when everything stops – time and mind – and nothing moves. Home is an eternal moment which begins but never ends. Home is when there is absolute nothingness…no self, no I. In this nothingness only buds of silence and serenity can grow. And if you are open towards the universe, then it showers with nourishment and all buds start opening on their own accord.
Meditate, so that you can go beyond mind and self. Certainly meditation will take a little time. Because you are so full of bullshit you will have to clean the ground. You are in tremendous misunderstanding.