The saint said, “We have been here, but we have not seen him.”
He said, “If I see him I will hit him with this harp on his head…Hallelujah! It is the time, my pub will be closing. Is it a joke or something?”
God would not have heard, but between his “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!” he shouted upwards, “Fuck You!”
God thought, “This is strange. No saint has ever done this. This man does not seem to be the right man.”
Again, “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!” – in between he became angry because it was time to go to the station.
God called Death and said, “It seems you have brought a wrong man. This is a poor porter from Munich. Take him back – because he can corrupt all the saints – before everybody hears what he is singing. He is thinking it is praise. Before anybody hears him, take him away. Just throw him back into his pub in Munich.”
He opened his eyes, he looked all around. He said, “It seems to be my familiar pub. What happened?”
Somebody said, “But you have not been here for many hours – friends have been waiting for you.”
He said, “Some mistake, either I was dreaming…but you say that I have not been here. My God, what a tragedy could have happened. If I had been able to find God I would have killed him. I am not against God, I have never been against him, but the way he has behaved with me, a poor man – and he wants me to sing in his praise, Hallelujah.”
But a porter is a porter. He said, “I managed, I could not see where he was, but I thought if I shout loudly, ‘Fuck You,’ he is bound to hear. ‘Hallelujah’ he is not going to hear, everybody is doing that – and he heard it.”
In my own experience of reading for my whole life, this is the only instance when God heard somebody – he had to – the only prayer which has been answered.
I don’t want to give you a hope and a dream beyond life. This life is so beautiful. Who cares of the beyond? And if we can live this life beautifully we will be able to live in the beyond also more beautifully. Death cannot take away our consciousness, our joy, our celebration, our laughter.
Hamish MacTavish is visiting his married friends Sandy and Glenda MacDougal.
“Sandy, I can’t help it,” says Hamish, “but Glenda really turns me on. If I could pinch her bare backside just once, I would give you a thousand dollars.”
“For that kind of money,” says Sandy, “I don’t think that Glenda would mind. Would you, Glenda? Go ahead and pinch her.”
Glenda leans over a chair and exposes her behind. Hamish looks at it…and just keeps looking. Finally, after five minutes, he says, “I just can’t do it.”