My sex life has become very quiet lately. Not that I don’t want sex and that I am not courageous enough to approach women, but it just doesn’t happen.
When I approach a woman lots of beautiful energy is flowing, but when it comes to sex, the energy changes. It almost feels as if falling asleep. When I then try to get it going again, the woman feels offended; she doesn’t feel connected any more, and feels that I am not accepting her space. What am I doing wrong?
Beloved Osho, can you help me to understand?
What is happening to you is not a curse; it is a blessing. It is just your old mind that is interpreting it as if something is going wrong. Everything is going right, the way it should go. Sex has to disappear into a peaceful, playful rejoicing – into a harmony of two silent beings; not meeting in their bodies, but meeting in their very souls.
It is going to happen to every sannyasin. Don’t force yourself to do anything against what is happening on its own accord. Any forcing on your part will be a hindrance in your spiritual growth.
This is something very important to remember, and this will explain to you why all the religions have gone against sex. It was a misunderstanding – but a very natural misunderstanding. Everybody who has been in meditation goes through the transformation of the energies – the energies that are going downward start moving upward, opening your higher centers of consciousness, bringing new skies to your being. But you are unacquainted with them, they are unknown to you; hence, one may get frightened. And if it is happening only to one partner, then there is going to be trouble. Both the partners in meditation have to be transforming simultaneously – only then can they keep pace with each other. Otherwise they are going to fall apart.
This created the idea of celibacy. Because in marriage it was found continuously that if one partner became interested in meditation, the marriage was jeopardized. It was better not to get involved, not to hurt somebody else’s feelings, and remain alone. But this was a wrong decision.
The right decision would have been that if one partner in a marriage or in a friendship is growing, he should help the other also to move into the new spaces. He should not leave the other partner behind. This would have been a tremendous revolution in human consciousness; but because religions had chosen celibacy, the whole world remained without meditation.
And those who had chosen celibacy – it was a chosen thing, it had not happened to them – became perverted sexually. They were not beyond sex, hence celibacy. They tried the other way: celibacy first, thinking that then would come the transformation. It does not work that way. Transformation has to be first. Then, without any inhibition, without fighting with sex, without condemning sex, a transformation comes on its own. But it does not come by celibacy, it comes by meditation. And it does not come by repression, it comes by a loving atmosphere. The celibate lives in an atmosphere of repression, inhibition, perversion; his whole atmosphere is psychologically sick. This was one fundamental point where all religions went wrong.