Everything – good on the way, better than drugs, but finally one has to remember that everything has to be dropped so you remain in your total purity. Even a spiritual experience corrupts; it is a disturbance. Something happens and the duality arises. When something happens that you like, the desire to have it more arises. When something happens that makes you feel beautiful, the fear that you may lose it arises, so all corruption comes in – greed, fear. With the experience, everything of the mind comes back; again you are trapped.
My whole effort here is to take you beyond – beyond the experience – because only then are you beyond the mind, and there is silence. When there is no experience there is silence. When there is no bliss, then there is bliss. Because bliss is not an experience; you don’t feel that you are blissful. If you feel, it is just happiness. It will go, will wither away, and you will be left in pitch dark.
So good, continue, but by and by we have to drop all. First drop drugs, mm? Then I will help you to drop methods. And the goal should be that one day everything has been dropped. You are alone in your house – with no furniture, with no experiences – and then you experience the ultimate. It is not an experience, that is just a way of saying. But good…it has been good.
I’ve experienced a few difficult months in Italy, though now I’m feeling a little better. I feel that at some stage I lost contact with myself: I didn’t know who I was, where I was, and I wasn’t authentic with people. I lost my enthusiasm for life. I was afraid and sad too.
I don’t see any problem. In fact you are better off than when you were last in Pune.
Yes, that is true. I feel something significant is happening to me.
Something is centering, something is getting rooted, and when it happens one becomes a little indifferent to things because the energy starts moving inwards; it cannot move outwards.
When it happens one loses one’s identity, one is not aware of who one is; there is a confusion. Because a new identity is going to arise, the old will drop. You are just in the middle of the process. So it is good – you should be happy about it….
During the camp do only those meditations you feel like. If you force anything then your centering will be disturbed. Simply move spontaneously: if you feel like doing, do; then it will be helpful to the centering. If you don’t feel like doing, don’t.
I feel empty. When I first sat here I thought I had many questions to ask you, but now all questions have gone.