Yesterday you told us not to throw out our anger and hatred and other emotions onto others. But when we move into meditation, suppressed sexual energy rises up, and the other is essential in helping us to express this energy. When this sexual energy manifests itself in its primal form, it is like a mad cyclone. Then neither control nor witnessing help: it simply demands expression.
All our moral values are attached to sex, so this can be difficult, but if someone’s current partner does not have enough depth to express and share this sexual energy, should a seeker look for another, more suitable partner? And won’t this create many complications?
Whether it is anger or sex or whatever other impulse, the need for the other is not a must. And whatever impulse will be released through the other, it creates a chain. You are angry, you expressed it to the other; that other too will react with anger, and that will create more anger in you. Where will this end? So whenever we connect with the other through any of the impulses, we are falling into an endless chain of troubles.
The very meaning of sannyas is: “From now onward I will not connect my emotions with the other. Now my emotions and impulses will be expressed and released only in aloneness. Only this limitless sky will be their receiver; now I will not give them to others. The very meaning of giving them to the other is that I am creating a relationship, a chain. The other is also a human being, as weak and needy as I am, so there will be reactions in the other.”
The other is not like the sky that will absorb you, assimilate you, without replying. He or she will undoubtedly echo you, and the chain reaction will go on and on. You have been doing this for life after life. You have created numerous webs for yourself. With numerous people you have expressed your anger, your greed, and with countless others you have created attachment and sexual relationships. All this load you have been carrying through many lives. There is only one way to abandon the load: stop relating your emotional impulses to others – express them all in your aloneness. This needs to be understood; it is a difficult matter.
Perhaps you may understand to throw out your anger in your aloneness – but what about sex? Even with anger it is difficult at first to cathart without having someone else there to be angry at. This is why I told you to use a pillow. It is only an aid, and has to be put aside after a while because it too becomes the other; but in the initial stages it is very useful. And if you can pour your anger onto a pillow, there is no reason why you should not be able to pour your loving feelings onto it. If you can beat a pillow, why can you not embrace it?
Even when you create a relationship of love or of anger with a person, still it is all a play of the mind. How can the other help? When you take someone in your embrace, what your hands hold is only flesh and bones. Is that any more valuable than a pillow? In the final analysis, how can flesh and bones and skin be regarded as more valuable than a pillow? It is just your idea that the other is present which makes it possible for you to spread your love over someone. What is the difference between hitting somebody’s head and hitting a pillow? You find a difference only because you assume that the other is there and the pillow is nobody. The only difference is that the other responds and the pillow does not – that’s all!