Modern depth psychology has become aware of it, they call it bisexuality. But for at least five thousand years Tantra has known it, preached it. It is one of the greatest discoveries of the world, because with this understanding you can move in your inner direction; otherwise you cannot move in your inner direction. Why does a man fall in love with a woman? – because he carries a woman inside him, otherwise he would not fall in love. And why do you fall in love with a certain woman? There are thousands of women, but why, suddenly, does a certain woman become most important to you, as if all other women had disappeared and that were the only woman in the world? Why? Why does a certain man attract you? Why at first sight does something suddenly click? Tantra says: You are carrying an image of a woman inside you, an image of a man inside you. Each man is carrying a woman and each woman is carrying a man. When somebody on the outside fits with your inner image, you fall in love – that is the meaning of love.
You don’t understand it, you simply shrug your shoulders, you say, “It has happened.” But there is a subtle mechanism in it. Why did it happen with a certain woman, why not with others? Your inner image fits somehow, the outer woman is similar in a way. Something just hits your inner image. You feel, “This is my woman,” or “This is my man”; this feeling is what love is. But the outer woman is not going to satisfy, because no outer woman is going to completely fit with your inner woman. The reality is not that way at all. Maybe she fits a little bit – there is an appeal, a magnetism, but it will be worn out sooner or later. Soon you will recognize that there are a thousand and one things that you don’t like in the woman. It will take a little time to come to know about those things.
First you will be infatuated. First the similarity will be too much, it will overwhelm you. But by and by you will see that there are a thousand and one things, details of life, that don’t fit; that you are aliens, strangers. Yes, you still love her, but the love has no more infatuation, that romantic vision is disappearing. And she will also recognize that something appeals in you, but your totality is not appealing. That’s why each husband tries to change the wife and each wife tries to change the husband. What are they trying to do? Why? Why does a wife continuously try to change the husband? For what? She has fallen in love with this man, then immediately she starts changing this man? Now she has become aware of the dissimilarities. She wants to drop those dissimilarities; she wants to take a few chunks off this man so that he completely fits with her idea of a man. And the husband tries also – not so hard, not so stubbornly as women try, because the husband becomes tired very soon – the woman hopes longer.
The woman thinks, “Today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow – some day I will change….” It takes almost twenty, twenty-five years to recognize the fact that you cannot change the other. By the age of fifty, when the woman has passed her menopause and the man too, when they are getting really old, then they become alert by and by that nothing has changed. They have tried hard, they have tried every way…the woman remains the same and the man remains the same. Nobody can change anybody. This is a great experience to come to, a great understanding.
That’s why old people become more tolerant: they know that nothing can be done. That’s why old people become more graceful: they know that things are as they are. That’s why old people become more accepting. Young people are very angry, non-accepting; they want to change everything, they want to make the world the way they would like it. They struggle hard, but it has never happened. It cannot happen, it is not in the nature of things. The outer man can never fit with your inner man and the outer woman can never be absolutely the same as your inner woman. That’s why love gives pleasure and pain too, love gives happiness and unhappiness too. And the unhappiness is much more than the happiness.