Since being with you so much growth and maturity has happened in me – I have changed in every aspect. At the same time, when I look into myself, I feel the same as I did when I was a little child.
Is this my witness, or something else?
It is your witness.
Just remember one thing, that the feeling of being a child can be experienced in two ways. You can be a witness and the experience of childhood can be an object. Then one more step is needed: You have to become the purity, the innocence of the child…not separate – you are it.
It will come. This is how it comes: first it comes as an object; you are still separate and watching it. This is beautiful and a great experience – that all rubbish is thrown out and you are feeling a very pure, innocent state – but you are still separate from it. Just go on witnessing it, and soon even the childhood will disappear, and there will be only the witness, the subjectivity. There will be only the mirror without mirroring anything. Then you have arrived home.
You can mirror beautiful things, and it is good, but when the mirror is absolutely empty….
One of the Buddhist scriptures has the name The Empty Mirror. That exactly describes the ultimate state of consciousness, when you simply are. And there is nothing – not even childhood, not even silence, not even peace, not even blissfulness – nothing that you can observe.
This ocean of nothingness surrounding you is nirvana. There is nothing more to explore. There is nothing more to find.
But as it is going it is good: you are changing, and even to feel one’s childhood is a great experience. But greater experiences are ahead. Don’t stop, just continue till only you are left, alone, without a second.