You have to do it again. It is a very deep experience. I know that problems arise – the mind is very cunning. It goes on finding ways to avoid, how to escape. It goes on rationalizing. Sometimes it will trick the body, and the body will say that it is weak, feeling ill – and it is the mind that has persuaded the body.
If you continue, within hours you will find that tiredness has gone. Not only that, but after a few hours you will feel that you have never been so fresh and full of new energy. But it only happens when you become absolutely tired. [Osho describes the three layers of energy, and the way the emergency layer comes into operation when it is needed.]
These are created emergency situations. We force the situation so that automatically the lid of the emergency layer opens. But nobody knows exactly when it will come; it depends on the system, the body and the mind.
And many times pride will come in the way. But don’t feel guilty because that is making another mistake. The first mistake is enough – why do the second? This is how the mind functions. It helps you to commit one error, and when you have committed it, the same mind says that now you are guilty.
Don’t be worried about it. It was your voluntary cooperation; withdraw it – that’s okay. It is not a sin. It was a mistake certainly, but it is not a sin, so there is no guilt. You have not done anything wrong to anybody. You have done something wrong to yourself – you are allowed that. That is your birthright, to do something wrong to yourself. And that you cannot feel – that you have done something wrong to yourself, because you didn’t know what was going to happen. You can only know when it happens. That’s why I say to try another time.
But you choose. If you feel that it is not possible, then don’t do it. But next time, if you choose – and my suggestion is that you choose it – make one more effort: don’t escape from it. What can happen? Nobody can die. At the most you will be tired, that’s all. So you can sleep – one day, two days afterwards you can sleep. The whole life is there. It is worth taking the risk that you will be tired, because some insight is possible. And it only happens when you are so exhausted that if you were allowed, you would have stopped.
That is the beauty of the group: it becomes a goading. So many people are doing it that you don’t feel like escaping. In fact if you are really a man of pride, you have to do it again. [chuckling] Think about it!