In India we have a saying that if you really love a woman, eventually she becomes your mother. Only then love is fulfilled. Each husband becomes a child, each woman a mother. That is the culmination – and that is where man and woman departed.
A child is born and goes away from the mother; they separate. Then the child returns and becomes a child again, has a second childhood, and finds the woman again turning into a mother. Each woman has to complete her circle by becoming a mother, and each man has to complete his circle by becoming a child. When the circle is complete, love is fulfilled.
Watch, even a small girl is motherly. She starts playing with dolls, plays house and things like that. She is already a mother, a miniature. In the West something is missing, and that’s why the whole family life is on the rocks, has almost gone. The family has disappeared because the base of it is that the man should love a woman so totally that he becomes her child, and the woman becomes his mother.
But this is possible only if you love one woman, intensely, deeply, intimately. If you go on changing your woman every day it is not going to happen; then all relationships will remain casual. That is where the western man and woman are missing. The conflict and the confusion and chaos is so much that they both think they are being cheated by each other. Nobody is cheating anybody – it is just that the circle is not ready until it is completed.
If you cannot become a child again, you will not be able to love your own child. If a woman cannot become so deeply in love with her husband that she becomes a mother to him, she will not be able to love her own children – and then the vicious circle continues.
You have touched something very deep. Dig it deep and let it flow, mm? Good!
I am feeling very very sad but I don’t know why. It might have something to do with my father leaving home when I was six years old. It was a shock to me; I had no idea he was going.
The only way to get rid of past wounds is to become conscious of them. If you become conscious of them, they dissolve. Otherwise they are always hiding there, and they go on influencing your life – though you don’t know it.
For example if you loved your father, a deep wound is left there. It is natural and has to be so, because a child, and particularly a girl, misses the father very deeply. When the parents separate, it is not so difficult for them, in fact it may be more convenient. There are moments of conflict, of violence, so that two people may think it is no use to be together when they are hurting each other – and unnecessarily. So they may feel relieved. But nobody thinks about the child.