You say: “I do feel something deep inside happening in your presence.”
You may not be able to grasp my presence, but you can see something is synchronizing in you, something is triggered in you. The fragrance has reached your nostrils – you may not be able to grasp it in your hands, but it has reached your nostrils. Your heart is already moved. That’s why you have become a sannyasin.
You say: “I do feel something deep inside happening in your presence, and more each moment being here with you, but I cannot seem to feel a clear understanding.”
You will never be able to feel a clear understanding. I cannot promise clear understanding. I can promise you only more and more mystery. The farther you go with me, the more and more the mysterious is waiting for you.
But who cares for clear understanding? It is a very very much lower stage of mind where clear understanding is needed. At the highest peaks, where mountains move into the clouds, where mountains whisper with the stars, it is a totally different world. It is not the world of the ordinary, it is the world of the sacred.
You will have to come with me. Your mind will pull you backwards, your mind will tell you, “Where are you going? Are you going crazy?”
And in fact what I am making available here is only for the crazy – for those who are sane enough to drop the so-called sanity, for those who are courageous enough to move beyond the logical boundaries, for those who are ready to go into a tremendous insecurity, dropping all safety, security, familiarity, knowledge. It is jumping into a totally different dimension: the dimension of the essences.
This is a mystery school. You should not ask about clear understanding. Ask for the experience of the mysterious and the miraculous. And it is happening. If you help it, cooperate with it, Sophia, soon you will be transported into another world.
Look at what has happened in the West, and the same is happening in the East now: the more people are becoming scientific, knowledgeable, educated, the more and more they are feeling a kind of meaninglessness. Their life is becoming more and more insignificant; it is losing all dignity, it is becoming ugly.
Camus says that the only important philosophical problem is suicide. Why? Because the modern man feels the pointlessness of living – what is the point of going on living every day? If there is nothing mysterious, there is no point in living. Then only those who are cowards go on living; because they cannot gather courage to disappear, to commit suicide, they go on living.